(Not) Young and Dangerous Dinner

One unfine day, Ninja (Francis) called me on my mobile phone. I had left GIT by then and therefore I did not recognise the called numberat first. After chit-chatting for a while, he said he would like to meet up for dinner. I am not so close to Ninja but I suspect CKS had given Ninja my contact number. So I sms CKS after the call with Ninja for dinner suggestions as I don't mind having dinner with both of them.

After a while, we agreed on Young&Dangerous (Y&D) the next day at 7pm for dinner. I was glad that after all this time, I am still remembered by the Revered in GIT. I reminder CKS via sms to inform Ninja as well as to provide Ninja wih the directions to Y&D.

The next day after I had picked up my wife; I sms CKS at about 6.30pm that I will be late as I am still stuck in the traffic jam. It would be better for him to order the food first and not having to wait for us to arrive.

Imagine the pleasant surprise I got when CKS sms me saying that his "Visa" application to his "reporting officer" has been denied so he will not be able to join us for dinner. I felt so sorry for him in missing out on the dinner. He must have gone hungry that night.

I was so glad I found that out that piece of news by myself. I am so pleased with myself for having the initiative to sms else I would never have known until I reached the eating place. The sense of responsibility and respect for my fellow human being has not been lost on me.

I arrived late with my wife at about 7.30pm. (Better late than never) But imagine the next pleasant surprise that was installed for me. I saw Ninja with 5 other "assassins".

Apparently Ninja had "jio" 5 other "deities" for the dinner. They turn out to be 5 engineers from HK (Hong Kong, not James = Horny King) on duties in the Singapore office. "Safe to sit down", I assured my wife.

It was one of the most fruitful and enjoyable dinner that I ever had in all my 25 years. I had a good 2 hours of intense conversational Cantonese training as well as all the SS7 technical updates that I will ever need all my life. For that, I am eternally grateful!

The only downside for me regarding this whole dinner was that I did not contribute to anything at all to the betterment of my fellow dinner mates at the same table - technical or financial.

I had great regard for CKS when I left GIT. I always felt that he was the misunderstood soul that all (not only the engineers) in GIT were envious and loathed at the same time. I was there to witness his progress and growth in GIT. He is the prodigal genius that will never be understood and appreciate in his time.

After that night, I stood in awe of the enlightenment as well as a twinge of sadness that I probably would never in my remaining years ever be in the presence of his greatness again.

Hence, I humbly thank you for such a wonderful and unforgetable evening. Never again.

Chain Mail

Sometime not so long ago... I received a chain mail... Don't you just HATE chain mail??
'blah blah this, blah blah that... if you dont send this mail to the next 1,255,284 people, u will be cursed by this, and that... wtf?!'
So, I thought that the people I know will not do chut this kind of stunt... boy.. WAS I WRONG....

So who send me a chain mail?? ->

----- Original Message -----
From: "Shawn Lee"
Date: Thu, 7 Oct 2004 09:51:27 +0800
To: "William Goh" ,"Mazli" , "JFK" ,"Edward Lee" ,"Duncan Teh" ,"Patricia Lim" ,"Lynn Loo"
Subject: FW:

Okay, I picked seven people who I thought would DO this. I hope I chose the right seven. Please send this back to me (You'll see why). In case anyone is interested, Saint Theresa is known as the Saint of the Little Ways.

Meaning she believed in doing the little things in life well and with great love. She is also the patron Saint of flower growers and florists. She is represented by roses. May everyone be blessed who receives this message.

Theresa's Prayer cannot be deleted. REMEMBER to make a wish before you read the poem. That's all you have to do. There is nothing attached. Just send this to seven people and let me know what happens on the fourth day. Do not break this, please. Prayer is one of the best free gifts we receive. There is no cost but a lot of reward.

Suggestion: copy and paste rather than forward to protect email addresses and access to e-virus. (Did you make a wish?) If you don't make a wish, it won't come true. Last chance to make a wish! St. Theresa's Prayer: May today there be peace within. May you trust God that you are exactly where you are meant to be. May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith. May you use those gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to & amp; gt;you....May you be content knowing you are a child of God.... Let this presence settle into our bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise and love. It is there for each and every one of you.

Now, send this to 7 people within the next 5 minutes and your wish will come true. And remember to send this back...you'll see why. =====

If everything seems to be going well you have obviously overlooked something.

I cant even be bothered to sort out the mail properly to be listed here.

So if you were to look at the mailing list, everyone is familiar except for 1. Lynn Loo.. WTF is Lynn?! Btw, Edward is his brother. REAL BAH GEH brudder.. with BAH GEH more BAH than him... but at least he is much much yandao lah...

So. Who is this Lynn Poh?? oops. I mean Lynn Loo. Its his new colleague... a chio bu.... no wonder lah...

So, being super pissed off.... i replied to his chain mail with ANOTHER chain mail.... as below:

-----Original Message-----
From: Jfk Se7eN
Sent: Thursday, October 07, 2004 11:00 PM
To: sellee@tycoint.com; William Goh; Mazli; Edward Lee; Duncan Teh; Patricia Lim; Lynn Loo
Subject: Re: FW:
so after 5 minutes of sending this email, i guess that you are able to have a more than 5 minutes of love-making session with your pinky eh?
KNN... CUT THE CRAP!!! STOP SENDING THIS KIND OF JUNK MAIL TO ME!!!!
I AM SERIOUS!!!! IF I STILL RECEIVE THIS KIND OF EMAIL FROM YOU, YOU WILL BE CURSED WITH
1) TORNED UNDERWEAR FOR THE NEXT 7 YEARS,
2) SHIT COMING OUT TOGETHER WITH YOUR FART FOR THE NEXT 7 MONTHS,
3) ARMPIT HAIR DROPPING OFF AND GROWING ON YOUR HEAD FOR 7 WEEKS,
4) HAVING AN ERECTION WHEN U LOOK AT YOUR COMPANY'S ADMIN GAL FOR 7 DAYS.
MUAHAHAHA!!!!!!
BE AFRAID.... BE VERY AFRAID.........

Then he scared and reply:

----- Original Message -----
From: "Shawn Lee" Date: Fri, 8 Oct 2004 08:57:01 +0800To: "Jfk Se7eN" ,"William Goh" ,"Mazli" ,"Edward Lee" ,"Duncan Teh" ,"Patricia Lim" ,"Lynn Loo" Subject: RE: FW:

Hahahah... So how many person I have to forward this email to, to break this curse? You must tell me mah.

And my reply ->

why? scared already is it? how come last time dun see u sending this kind of rubbish mail out wan ah?i think must be your new environment leh... wat is your GM's email? must let him know that u are really free and got nothing to do leh..anyway, to break the curse, u must forward this email to the following people:
1) a short person
2) a tall person
3) a fat person
4) a skinny person
5) a pretty gal
6) a handsome guy
7) an ugly woman
8) a sexy lady
9) a gross man
10) a horny fellow
11) a bah geh person

But there are some restrictions:
A) u must not be the recipient, or else u would have match the last 3 criterias...
B) u must state their name beside the criteria
C) the person must reply to agree/accept they are matched correctly.only then your curse will be lifted....

NOTE:*Jfk only have crooked tooth, not bah geh..... :))

But how many ppl or who he forward it to I dunno lah.. coz i am not in the list... LOL.....

The Submarine

This is a sad story... If you laugh while reading this story, then I think you've lost your human touch...


[Act 59, Scene 1: At the switch room of one of our customer. Same one as the Zao Geng story]

YLY walked steadily into the switch room. YLY is one of our customer's Engineer. She is a likeable girl. She likes BPM but BPM see her only as a best friend who share the same interest, questioning... One likes to ask questions. The other likes to answer questions... You should see them when they work together. BPM always hang his earphone (which is playing music) on his shoulders listening to YLY's questions and answering her.. If anyone else is working with BPM, he'll just stick the earphones into his ear deep deep.

[YLY]: "Ooi. Any of you parked your car along the road? There is a big rain outside and there is flood."

[BG]: "Har?! I parked my car along the road leh!!!"

BG picked up his mobile phone, rushed out of the switch room to the ground floor.. JFK followed behind..

[JFK]: "Wa lau.. So big rain ah?"

[BG]: "Ya lor!! Look at the flood!! Its up to LP (Lam Pah.. or groin in English) level!!"

BG quickly rushed out into the rain to go to a position where he could he see car... He run and run... He saw one of the customer's Engineer's car.... Hahahhaa... Its floating on the water just like a boat.. BG let out a grin on his face.. Hahhaa.... Very funny sight.. JFK followed behind BG when he run.. JFK saw that same car floating.. "Hahahaa.... Its floating.. Its floating..." JFK laughed loudly, opening up his big mouth and swallowed some rain water...

BG saw his car.... His grin on his face disappear... He car was also floating....... Just that it did not float as bad..... BG stopped... JFK stopped...

[JFK]: "Eh.. I think you better quickly go and shit (take note... the "f" is missing because of the rain water he swallowed earlier on) your car..."

Before he finished saying that, he proceed to climb over the rear gate of the building that is locked... The front gate was flooded with water up to "knee" level.... Take note... When I say "Knee" level, I meant "Knee" in hokkien which means breast.... So, it is not possible to walk through the front gate.. Aiya, KNN.. should have to and check out how that security guard that is stationed beside the main gate swims in his air con room hor... I bet he has never swim in his uniform before...

BG followed to climb over the rear gate... They navigate slowly and carefully to BG's car... The whole area is filled with water.. Just that, the area at the read gate is only up to knee level (This time round, its in English)..

BG unlocked his car, inside, it's also flooded with rain water.... BG sit inside with his underwear all wet already... started his car... put to reverse gear and step on the accelerator... Vroomm......... The car "Ghost Tan" (reverse in Hokkien)... Then suddenly, the engine stopped. BG start the car again... Then move, then the engine stopped again.. This happen for a few time and finally, they got the car reversed to another building which is on higher ground and is still not flooded yet...

White smoke emits from BG car's exhaust pipe... Water has gone into the engine... Basically, its a bloody mess....

JFK started to call his mechanic friend, Joseph.

[JFK]: "Eh.. I ask you har... BG car just got flooded in the water.. Then he start the engine and reverse to one side. Then now got white smoke.. What does it mean har?"

As usual, its not easy to make out what JFK is talking about.. But after 15mins of conversation...

[Joseph]: "Har?!?! You mean you all start the engine while the car is still in the water ah?"

[JFK]: "Ya.. Why leh?"

[Joseph]: "Wa lau!! That's a wrong move.. Should have just leave the car there!! Now water has gone into the engine already.. Wa lau.. Whose stupid idea to move the car was that?"

JFK move to one side.. While BG was concentrating scoping the water out from his car, not listening to his conversation, he told Joseph... "me.." softly... Keep turning his head to look at BG to make sure that he don't hear what he is telling Joseph... Joseph then asked JFK to bring BG car to his workshop...

After they hanged up the phone, JFK went over and help BG to scope out the water in his car... His eyes are teary.... Funny leh.. Its BG car that has water inside.. How come JFK is teary... BG couldn't understand why also at that point of time... They called for the tow truck.... Waiting for it to arrive...

While waiting they were scoping....

*RING.. RING...* JFK phone rang...

[HK]: "Ooi.. There is a big flood in the office carpark leh!! John and Tim car inside.... Go to carpark, cannot see any car there liao.. Only see water.... Hahahaha..."

KNN... Trust that stoopid HK to laugh over such matter. He has lost his human touch liao... BG upon hearing the news... Felt so much better that at least, he was not alone.. Hahhahaaha......

After 35mins of waiting and scoping, JFK called the tow truck and found out that its stuck in a jam because some buses broke down on the main road..... So, they decided to drive that "unstartable" car of BG to Joseph's workshop.... By the way, the repair of BG's car also generate another LP story.. Got time then tell you all.. Its all because of the bad smell in his car after the water dries up...

Anyway, BG car has since got a nick..... The Submarine...........

Lao Chio

Those who have work long enough, will know that there are 2 Cindys around us. 1 in GIT, and 1 in Starhub. For those who dunno, the Starhub Cindy is very very chio when she put on make up 8/10 (i have seen her without makeup... 6/10. Why I have seen her without her make up?? heh heh heh... that is for me to know & for you to find out...).

Anyway, 1 fine day, we were discussing about her at Tai Seng....
[Jfk]: Eh. today u got saw Cindy or not? super chio today leh.. I think she getting more and more chio leh.... or maybe becoz of the her dressing today lah...

[BG]: Yah lor yah lor... I think is becoz of her silky skirt lah.. can imagine putting your kuku at the skirt ah... i think touch liaoz i can cum siah... machiam American Pie.... hahaha

[HK]: Hee Hee.... (dunno he thinking about Cindy or still thinking of the Buddy Meal...)

[BPM]: Not that I wanna say ah.. but even i also agree that Cindy very chio siah.... Although I have seen her without makeup, but still she is the BEST... (wondering wat he mean by the BEST?? hmmm....

Just then, TBT arrived only hearing wat BPM said...

[TBT]: Yah hor yah hor!!! Cindy abit of LAO CHIO hor....

EVERYONE turns to look at TBT and give the look...

[Someone]: Which Cindy you talking about??? Cindy OLD meh??

[TBT]: Eh.... Not refering to the one in the office meh???

AK or Ninja?

I get questions like why we nick Francis AK - Ah Kua (Sissy in Hokkien) or Ninja... Okie... 2 separate stories to explain this...

Story 1 (Why AK?):
[Act 58, Scene 1: At GIT office]

Background info:
AK or Ninja was the Technical Manager (was it? Shit.. Couldn't remember what his actual title was) of GIT.. He is in-charge of all the Engineers.

EK has just tendered his resignation following more than 10 others who have done so earlier on..

[AK]: "EK, can we talk for a while?"

[EK]: "OK"

They all went into AK's cubicle...

[AK]: "I just received your resignation letter...."

[EK]: "Yup."

[AK]: *With a sheepish eye* "Why you wanna leave har.....?"

[EK]: "No lah.. Say more also no point. Nothing can make me stay already."

[AK]: *twisting his body from left to right* "Don't like that lah... Don't leave can or not.. Huh......."


Story 2 (Why Ninja?):
[Act 59, Scene 1: At a customer's switch room. The same one as the Zao Geng story]

JFK, HK and BG, as usual.. were together in the customer's switch room...

*Ring.. Ring... Ring..*

JFK's phone rang...

[JFK]: "Hello.."

[Ninja]: "Er... JFK? Are you at customer site? I'm coming down to look for you now.."

[JFK]: "Ya.. Ok lor..."

Hanged up the phone...

[JFK]: "Ooi.. Francis coming leh... Cannot go and sleep at the lobby liao..."

[HK]: "Har?! He come down for what? Wa lau eh.. Come down also useless.. Waste our time talking to him one leh..."

[BG]: "Eh... JFK, is that Francis har?"

JFK and HK turned back.... Francis is walking towards them shaking his backside from left to right......

[BG]: "Wah.... He used the Ninja smoke bomb to get here is it?"

At this point of time, JFK shouted Ninja.... And

JFK shows the Ninja throwing darts stunt. (Non-stop throwing one hor...)

HK shows the Ninja throwing smoke bomb stunt.

BG shows the Ninja face make-over stunt.

Everytime someone calls out Ninja, 3 of them will show these stunts and JFK's one is the most shack one.... Why shack? Hahahhaa.. Because, we got to synchronize out stunts one.... Next time when you see JFK, HK and BG together again, shout Ninja to see it for yourself...

Zao Geng (Goes Light in Hokkien)

Let us all shift our attention back to BG (LPK) again... Looking at the title, it probably ring a bell in JFK.. He was there when this short story happened....

[Act57, Scene 1: At a customer's switch room's door.]

We're on our way to lunch... JFK, HK and me just got out from the very very cold switch room and were waiting for the lift to come to 2nd level to bring us down to 1st level... (Very lazy hor? 2nd level also take lift. But hor, everybody there do the same thing.. So, we follow lor...). The Lift is just beside the Switch Room entrance. It is an old lift. So, it normally take sometime to serve the 5 levels on that building...

As usual... JFK, HK and BG cannot keep still.. They always will walk around the lift or play around by touching each other's "brother" "unintentionally"... JFK has the biggest... So, BG and HK always like to touch his... Wah.. You should go and PJ with him and use the urina beside him men... You'll be thinking to yourself... "Hmmm... Steam can still PJ meh? Not painful meh?". I've tried asking JFK that question before... His bloody "Hao Lian" answer was.... "This is normal length.." Anyway, after a few years of PJ'ing beside him, I've verified that it is his normal length. Because, can't be always excited when PJ'ing one mah...

Sorry.. Got carried away by talking about someone else's "buddy".... Back to the story... JFK, HK and BG was waiting for the lift. One of the most favourite thing that they'll do is to peep down the window beside the lift that overlook the entrance to the building, to look at people sitting on a stone chair beside the building entrance.. Normally, a lot of people sit there to smoke. And a lot of the customer's chio bu's staff smoke there... (hee.. Hee.. Even my BGG sat there before.. She was not smoking. But was accompanying some smokers..)

BG was standing at the window looking down again.. Hoping to catch some glimpse of chio bu there...

[BG]: "Zao Geng.. Zao Geng... Zao Geng...."

BG called out loudly while waving his the other hand to JFK and HK with his eyes still glued to the window, to come and see this chio bu below bending down and there is a ray of light shooting directly into her blouse.... There were no response from JFK and HK...

BG turned back... Saw JFK and HK keep flashing their access card to the switch room entrance to go back to the switch room... But they sort of forgot that must enter password one... BG turned another 12 degrees back wanting to turn back to look out of the window again...

He noticed that the lift door was opened... With a chio bu from the 5th floor standing inside....

BG was wearing the GIT jacket at that time........ But, but, but!!! The story hasn't ended...... After the lift door was closed, JFK and HK came over and joined BG to look through the window to see the Zao Geng.... Guess what? That girl in the lift, walked to that girl who Zao Geng, pull out a Hun Key and smoke with her... Then that girl who Zao Geng suddenly look up!!! We quickly "SIAM"!!!!! (squating down)

Anyway, we went back to work and only went for lunch 1hr later...

$58 Corona

Since we've started another ball rolling on HK and SFX is looking forward to listen to the $58 Corona story, here it goes.....

It was another tough day.. Got "washed" by one of our customer for the CORBA communication to their MMSC cannot work properly. All GITians was planning for a night out to have dinner together and after that, go for a drink. As usual, as long as there is free food and liquor or women, you'll find HK joining the outing..

[Act 56, Scene 1: At Dim Sim restuarant in Geylang. 8:30pm]

Everyone reached the restuarant.. BBS, KJS, AK, KC, Drunkard, HK (expected), JFK, BG and etc. We ordered some Dim Sim and kept on eating and talking.. All these while, KC was just eating and not talking. HK was looking at all the girls that walked pass him.. They were dressing sexily and I peeped under the table and saw HK's hand in his pocket. Nothing spectacular happened during the dinner... We finished the dinner and decided that its time to go for a drink at the pub (I also forget the name of the pub already. But its somewhere in Mohamad Sultan)

[HK]: "Boss!! How much?!?" Talking as though he is paying for the meal.. The boss came over with the bill... HK pretending to look at the girls.... AK took the bill looking at HK...

[AK]: *thought to himself* "Hump.. Me think you paying..." HK turned and saw AK looking at him..

[HK]: "Of course you pay lah.. You can claim mah.. We eat on the company.."

[AK]: "Ya ya... No problem.. No problem...."

[Act 56, Scene 2: At some pub in Mohamad Sultan. 9:30pm]

We were the first few to reach the pub. HK was greeted by the captain of the pub and there were having their arms over each other's shoulder.. I saw the captain whispering something into HK's ear. But don't know what was it. We got a big table for our big group and sat down. My eyes were already on the boobs of that girl playing pool at the pool table... I was thinking to myself.. "Pool table.. Hahhahaa.. Pool table... If only BPM and BPMG were here..." But very soon, The boobs of the girl took my mind off BPM and BPMG... Wah.. You should look at the way she control the direction of the cue... In order to make sure that the cue is going straight when she strikes, she placed it inside the "drain" below her chin... Wa lau leh.... At this point of time, I suddenly felt another pool cue inside my pants.. Shit... I quickly took a pillow to cover myself (hahahah.. Pillow to cover cue.. That reminds me of another story)..

[BG]: *looking at HK* "Ooi... You know the captain one ah?"

[HK]: *Giving that smug look again..* "Aiya... Six Six (very close in Hokkien) lah... Known him for 20mins already."

KNN.. So he also just know the captain only. I carried on talking to HK trying to "keep" my "cue" inside my pants..

*Ring.. Ring.....* JFK phone rang....

[BB]: "Hello... Eh.. I bring BGG over can or not?"

[JFK]: "Hahahaha...... Bring lah.. Bring lah.. BG will be very happy..."

[BB]: "Ok.. Ok.. Coming in a while.."

They hanged up the phone....

[JFK]: *turning to BG...* "Ooi.. BG.. BGG coming leh...."

Wa lau... At this point, my already kept cue come out again... KNN.... Just thinking of her bugs tooth.. Wa lau eh........ Cannot imagine if she really come.. I'll die men.... From that point onwards.. My cue kept coming out and going back... I everytime have to use HK's face to help me keep my cue... I'll just have to stare at him for 2mins, imagining him giving me a blow... That will do the trick of keeping the cue already..

[HK]: "Captain... Bring me 6 Lambogini...." As usual.. HK was drinking his heart out. He knew that he can make AK pay for it and claim...

*After a while of drinking and HK flirting with KJS*

[BB]: "Hello everyone!!!"

[BGG]: "Hello'ff, Everyone'ff"

[BG]: *looking at BGG, replying in the BG language* "Hello'ff"

*BB arrived with BGG*

BG cue came out again... BG decided to use JFK's face this time to keep his cue... He was sitting beside the Pool table looking at the girl's skill of controlling the cue.. BG walked over (in some very funny position) and sit beside JFK... He stared at JFK's face and started to imagine...

[HK]: "Errr...Ugggg.... Captian... Bring me 8 Lambogini......."

[JFK]: *walked over to HK* "Ooi.. Enuff lah.. KNN.. Lambogini very expensive one leh.. Somemore you a bit drunk already... I don't want to let AK they all think we're out trying to chop them..."

[HK]: "Aiya....... Ugggg..... Never mind one lah..... Uggg... I tell you hor... JC students... Eh!! BBS, come drink with me....." HK walked over to BBS ignoring JFK.....

While BG was busying keeping his cue and BGG move around throwing eyes at BG, trying to bring out BG's cue, HK just kept getting the whole world to drink with him... BG still holding on to his Corona that he ordered when he reached the pub with one hand, and the other hand inside his pocket. He don't want to drink too much because he is driving later.. He is a responsible driver...

[Act 56, Scene 2: Still at some pub in Mohamad Sultan. 1:30am]

[BG]: *Go to JFK...* "Ooi.. Go home lah.. HK drunk liao.. Super drunk..."

[JFK]: "Ok. Ok.. But how he drive?"

[BG]: "Ya lor.. Jia Lat.... Or why don't you drive his car and put him at his passenger sit, then I drive my car follow behind you to his house?"

[JFK]: "You stoopid or what? Then my car how?"

[BG]: "hee... he.... Ya hor.. I didn't know that 1 Corona can make me drunk.."

[JFK]: "I get AK to drive my car lah.. He got licence one.. I think.."

So, we went back, call for the bill.... AK paid the bill.. Wah!! It was a whooping $400++.....

[JFK]: *talking to BG* "Ooi... Too expensive already lah.. This one cannot ask AK to claim.. Tomorrow then we settle with him.."

[BG]: "Ok lor.. I know.. This GY HK lah.."

So, all of us went to carpark to collect our car.. Then we orgy at a location outside the carpark to discuss the plan for the night... HK hopped onto his car's driver seat and lock the door and sleep inside... Bloody hell!! He was trying to drive home himself after a short rest... We discussed our plan and agreed to meet at Changi Village after JFK and me sent HK home... Then we spent 30mins to get that GY HK out from his driver seat as he was insisting that he drive home himself. Actually, if someone just Sodomise him there and then, he'll not know why he can shit so easily tomorrow morning.. HK vomitted in his car... JFK scolding and scolding..... BG still trying hard to keep his cue.... BGG was standing there with a sexy pose with her backside facing BG.... BG tried to "bio" her backside for a while, then look back, then "bio" for a while, then look back... He scare that wait BGG catch him doing it. Then very embarrassing.. All done... Got that GY HK out of his car, JFK drove his car with HK beside him... BG followed behind.. And they headed to Marsiling...

Reached HK's home.. sent him home... JFK hop on BG's car.. And they headed to Changi Village... It was already 3am in the morning and tomorrow is a working day.... Suddenly, BG broke the silence...

[BG]: "Wa lau... Go from Central to North, North to East... This kind of route sounds familiar.. KNN.. I'm always touring around Singapore driving for nothing..."

They continued driving and reached Changi Village... By the time they reached, everyone was already super tired and decided to go home... So, JFK got into his own car.. Drove home, everyone go home....

The next morning, BG received a call on his mobile phone.... It was BBS...

[BBS]: "Eh.. AK asked me to collect money for him.. $58 each.."

[BG]: "Har?!?! KNN.. I only had 1 Corona and didn't touch anything else!! Didn't even touch BGG backside.. 1 Corona is only $12 after all the tax..."

[BBS]: "Bo bian leh.. All share one....."

And so, BG paid $58 for a Corona.. The most expensive Corona he ever had.. He went to the super market... Saw that Corona was selling at $3.80 a bottle... His balls are painful.... His cue are painful from the extending and retracting too........

Buddy Meal

I guess this has been a long-awaited story since the LP Stories Blog has been setup...
And I think just by looking at the title, u can laugh liaoz... haha... anyway here it goes...

Long long time ago.. there are the famous or rather infamous 三剑客。。。 no.. wrong.. should be 三贱客。淫贱，犯贱，下贱。They are in actual fact HK, Jfk & BG. Go figure out which is which. So these 3 idiots always like to hang around Kallang KFC/Macdonalds.... why?
1) Free parking.
2) Lots of Chiobus.
3) Unlimited drinks (only at KFC)

So 1 fine day after work, the 3 of them arrange to go to the usual hunt... see got lao chio or not (that reminds me of another story.. heh heh heh)...
So Jfk & BG arrive 1st...
There is a new promotion available.

The BUDDY MEAL... Consists of
4 x Chickens
4 x Nuggets
2 x Soft drinks
2 x Mashed potatos
Price = $11.85.

[BG]: Jfk, wanna share buddy meal or not?

[Jfk]: Siao!! who buddy with you? dunwan lah!!!

BG lan lan sit back down.... machiam kanna chided by his father like that...

After awhile, HK arrived... late as usual... and acting blur as in late is no big deal like that... so what he drive the fastest car? always late...

So BG already super hungry liaoz... then turn to HK,
[BG]: HK, wanna share buffy meal or not?

[HK]: Siao!! who buddy with you? dunwan lah!!!

Jfk smiles at himself... glad that no one wants to buddy with this stoopid bahgeh... hahaha.

[BG]: Dunwan done!!! i buy myself... hmmmph!!!

[Jfk]: HK, buy for me. i want 2 piece original chicken meal.
and handed $6 to HK...

SO Jfk waited and waited.... while trying to look at the zao geng of the chio bu wearing short skirt sitting opposite... just need to wait for her to change the legs...

the gal shift shift abit and the skirt move up a little... shift somemore, and the skirt shifted up somemore... anticipating that the gal is about to change the legs when STOOPID BG come over and sit directly opposite Jfk blocking his view at the crucial moment!!! argh!!!!

nevermind, at least got chance to strike lottery for this week.....

So after awhile, HK came back... with........ THE BUDDY MEAL?!?!?!

[Jfk]: WTF?! i tot i say i dunwan buddy meal?!?!

[HK]: hee hee....

[Jfk]: KNN!!! who buddy with u???!!!

[HK]: hee hee....

[BG]: HAHAHA.. obi good obi good.......
then proceed to put his hands at his sweaty armpits and make the squash squash sound and after that using the same hands to eat his chicken...

Jfk lan lan have to eat the buddy meal with HK.... so they started eating and toking cock... so now with BG blocking his view, he got a harder time trying to look at the chio bu zao geng.. so he concentrate more on looking until until....

[Jfk]: EH?! how come left 1 nuggets only?!?! I tot there is 4?!

[HK]: hee hee....

(From then on, Jfk notices that whenever they share food with HK, HK will always eat the 'shared' food 1st before touching his 'own' food.....)

P.S. HK keeps the additional 15 cents for the $11.85 meal.....

Cable Tie

Since we've started the ball rolling on SW, here is another classic one....

One of our biggest customer's switch is having problem at that time... We spent many manhours trying to identify the problems... Finally, it was the most experienced Engineer in GIT that found the problem... TBT... He found out that one of the board on the AB selector is faulty.. Causing some circuits to get a lot of problems..

He did 100 tests to prove that this is the real problem (typical TBT)... Then, send out 10 long emails to everyone to tell them about the problem describing it from the time how he started to isolate the problem..

Nobody reads his email seriously.. Because, firstly, its too long, they rather read long LP Stories than to read long technical emails that can teach them some knowledge. Secondly, too many techincal terms are involved and most of us, only know about 30% of TBT's knowledge.

Anyway, problem identified. Customer notified. A night job is pending to get the problem fix. As usual, any change in the operating environment will have to be done at night. Otherwise, typical Singaporean will just keep trying to call and call on their mobile phone when they couldn't get the call through... They just don't understand that when the system is down, 99% of the time, its due to load... And Singaporean just keep adding to the load.

SW was our contractor for the cabling works then... He quited GIT to become his own boss.. He is bloody good in cabling and thus, SS approached him to solve the problem that we always have... Clamping lousy cables.....

The night for the night job come... TBT arrived to the site first in his Honda City that EK has buang 3 times... Followed by SW arriving in his Rav4 that he drove up to KL and back 100 times...

TBT took out a Hun Key and started smoking... As usual, other than smoking while warming up his car, he also smoke after he park while cooling down his car. SW got down from his car with his Barang Barang.... Saw TBT smoking...

[Scene 1, At customer's site carpark, 11:34pm]

[SW]: "Hello... Smoking ah? Don't worry. I got everything ready already.."

[TBT]: "Ok. We chop chop finish then go back already har... I hope to reach home by 3am one leh."

[SW]: "Don't worry lah... We've got the best hardware and software guy here.. I'm expecting to be making love to my wife by 2am."

[TBT]: "Ok lor.. We'll go up once I finished my stick."

TBT finished his Hun Key and went up to the switch room with SW.. Both walking with wind and confidence... TBT looked at SW, SW looked at TBT.. Both nodded their heads acknowledging each other capabilities...

Once in the switch room, they were greeted with 25cents look from the customer's Engineer, TMM. Its not that she is unhappy or what.. In fact, she is quite happy that TBT identified the problem that is bugging them for sometime. But, I guess, it's because of the super cold air con inside the switch room that makes a person's face stiff.... No joke men.. A small smile will cause 32 winkles on your face in that kind of condition. So, the advise is that.. Don't smile in switch room...

[Scene 2, In the switch room with TMM, 12:15am]

TBT and SW were each busy with their own tasks... TBT was trying to fix the software configuration to get the software ready for the hardware change. SW on the other hand was making sure that the hardware and all cables are ready when TBT is done with the software configuration... They were the perfect pair.. Both among the best in their own fields...

[TBT]: "SW, ready already? I can start liao."

[SW]: "Always ready man.. Just tell me when you want to start. I got everything prepared already."

[TBT]: *turned to TMM with a lusty look* "Er... We can start anytime. You want me to start on you?... Err.. Wrong.. on the change?" TBT has been carrying a torch for TMM.. But hor, come to think of it... TBT has been carrying a torch for every girl that he met... So, no surprise... He was even carrying a torch for DND at some point of time in GIT.

[TMM]: "Ok lor. Start lor.. But make sure nothing happen har.. If not, GIT going to be responsible for it hor." As usual..... 99.99999999% of the time, it'll be GIT's problem.

[TBT]: "Don't worry lah. Got me and SW here."

TBT started with his steps to deactivate the faulty card... Signalled to SW that its done... SW then pulled out that faulty card... Took out the new card.. Plug it in... And.....

*Pic... pic... pic........ * Then a funny smell filled the air.... Something is wrong... TBT looked at SW, SW looked at TBT... Both trying to blame each other.... Shit!!! SW inserted the card the wrong priority..... The new card is burnt!! Service went down as the other cards are affected by the sudden surge of electric current.....

TBT got panicked..... SW got panicked..... SW lost... Thinking to himself that he can forget about going home to surf porn and ML to his wife already.....

TBT quickly picked up his mobile phone, stick his ear piece into his ear, call the higher authority... CKS.....

[TBT]: "Eh... Sometime happened... Die.. Now all calls cannot go through... SW inserted the card the wrong way... Now whole platform is affected already..."

[CKS]: "Wa lau?!?! How come like that?! Then what you want me to do?! I cannot leave home now.. My wife will be angry if I leave home at this time of the day..."

[CKS]: "Go down to the switch. Check main power supply tripped or not?"

CKS asked TBT to check all the hardware for damages... TBT and CKS was on the phone talking... discussing... quarreling.... TMM was standing behind TBT... Again.. it's 25cents look again... You'll not know if she is Gan Jiong or not.... SW, resigned to his fate... He started out clearing up the rubbish on the floor, tidying up the cables that they have connected to the switch.... Tying them up with Cable Tie.. Triming away the "tail" that the cable tie produces after you pull to tighten the grips on the cable.....

*snip*

[TBT]: "Hello!! Hello!! Ooi!! How can you hang up the phone like that?!?!?!"

[TBT]: "Hello!!!!!!!!!"

[SW]: "Errr... Pai Seh...... Pai Seh.. Pai Seh...."

SW walked to TBT with a "Cable Tie" in one of his hand and a climper on the other hand...

[SW]: "Pai Seh, Pai Seh..... I thought its a Cable Tie.. So I cut it..... But it really looked like a cable tie lah.."

TBT looked at what is in SW's hand... Its not cable tie... Its the cable of his ear piece set to his mobile phone...............

Later on, after putting back the original faulty card and bringing partial of the system up again, in the carpark, SW took out his own ear piece set and passed it to TBT....

[SW]: "Nah... Pai Seh har.... This is to compensate you...."

What about CKS you're asking.... Well, he went back to sleep after the phone call got cut off... What worst thing could happen?

Test Email...

JFK was testing some newly developed application on the Outlook Exchange Server... This application is supposed to send out mass email automatically.... With his responsible character, he worked till very late in the evening.....

[In GIT Server Room... Sometime back at around 11pm]

[JFK]: "Phew... Finally finish.. Time to test..."

He tried sending out email to jfk@gitpl.com.sg, jfk-seven@gitpl.com.sg and jeffrey@gitpl.com.sg and it worked!! He was very very happy... Wah... Working already... Time to go home..... But wait.. What happened if it is to send out to the whole company.. Hmmm.. Will it work?

So he configure the application to automatic send out email to everybirdie in the company at 12am. In order to prevent the emails from flooding the server, he put these words in his email content.....

"This is a test email. Please do not reply."

He packed up and go home.....

[Scene 2, BG at his home working on some bugs reported at about 1am in the morning]

[BG]: "Wah.. Shit.. Finally solve this bug... Time to sleep... Send out the fix first..."

BG proceed to connect to GIT Exchange Server using the webmail to send out his fix... He saw some new mails in his inbox.....
------------------------------------------------
Mail no 1:
From: jeffrey@gitpl.com.sg
To: all@gitpl.com.sg
Time: 12am
Subject: Test email
Content:
This is a test email. Please do not reply.
------------------------------------------------

BG delete that email to read the next one....

------------------------------------------------
Mail no 2:
From: stevenwong@gitpl.com.sg
To: all@gitpl.com.sg; jeffrey@gitpl.com.sg
Time: 12:30am
Subject: RE: Test email
Content:

OK.

>From: jeffrey@gitpl.com.sg
>To: all@gitpl.com.sg
>Time: 12am
>Subject: Test email
>
>This is a test email. Please do not reply.
-----------------------------------------------------

BG couldn't sleep that night.... He couldn't stop laughing....

SW surf porn site

SW was the eldest employee in GIT Singapore. He is always serious with his work. He worked every minute while he was in the office. Although he always got the S2 treatment when he was working with S2, he never gave up. He always go to S2 and irritate her hoping that one day, she'll get used to it and stop giving him the S2 treatment.....

One day, while working late in GIT with his team of Engineers (S2, BG and a few others)......

[In GIT office... at about 8pm when everyone is rushing to finish work for the day and go home]

BG got a prompt on his laptop virus scanner indicating that some machine is trying to put a file that contain virus to his laptop's shared drive....

[BG]: "Ooi!! Steven, you ganna virus ah?!"

[S2]: "Ya lor.. Ya lor... Someone trying to put some virus file into my laptop...."

[BG]: "From Steven's machine is it?"

[S2]: "Ya lor.. Ya lor....."

[SW]: "No leh.. No leh.. Not mine... How you all know har?"

[BG]: "Of course we all know lah... The file stated that its from your machine..."

[SW]: "Cannot be leh.. I didn't get the prompt."

[S2]: "Wa lau!! If you can get that prompt, you wouldn't have got the virus in the first place already lah!!!"

[BG]: "Come.. Come.. Let me look at your laptop..."

BG walked over to SW cubicle and take a look at his laptop... He couldn't find the culprit of the virus.. He opened up the control panel, navigate into some screens that SW has never see before trying to confuse SW so that he won't appear lame mah.. Wa lau, an Engineer couldn't find out the cause of the virus.. A bit embrrassed....

[BG]: "Ohhhh..... Ooi.. You've been surfing porno web site is it?!" BG said trying to find excuses for a way out....

[SW]: "Har?! No leh.. No leh.. Not in the office leh... How can it be? Shouldn't affect you all..."

[BG]: "Hahahhaa... So you actually surf porno site ah?!?!?! Hahahaha... I anyhow say one..."

S2 and GN and Edm was already rolling on the floor laughing with tears bursting out already....

[SW]: "No lah.. No lah.. I was thinking.. Sometime at home, I might get the virus and ....."

[BG]: "Hahahaha... Ya lah.. Ya lah.. Don't need to explain lah.. I understand.... Hahahhaa..."

Fyi, SW scan his laptop and update his virus scan everyday since that day......

Vomit Blood Time

[Thanks to the Keepers of Email Junks (KoEJ), we have this story here...]

Dear all,
Today, I'm going to share with you all, 1 of the most interesting Yahoo conference we have during office hours.... Enjoy.

Starting Chatters: Siew Siew, Duncan, Shawn
Chatters that joined later: Somu, Stephen (KL), Mazli
Start Date/Time: 11 Oct 2004/ About 4pm.
------------------------------------------------------------------
...........(Start of conference, quite boring stuff)
Siew Siew: no mood to work
...........(Continue of conference)
Shawn: Wait wait wait.. I invite Somu to get the latest updates in GIT.
........... (Somu joined)
Somu: Hi all ...
Shawn: Somu, can do me a favour or not?
Somu: Can..
Shawn: Help me go and photocopy Starhub's sign-in book.
Shawn: I want to go and show Chew.
.............(After some laughter and gossip)
Somu: ok guyz will catch u in sometime ...calling me ...
.............(Conference went on, Somu left)
Shawn: Wanna hear KL gossips or not?
Duncan: yeah yeah :))
Siew Siew: okok interesting :
.............(Invited Stephen from KL)
Stephen (KL): Hi all
Shawn: Hello!!!
Duncan: harlow :))
Siew Siew: halo
Shawn: Stephen, TBT (Tay Boon Teck) have how many gf already?
Shawn: How's things in KL?
Siew Siew: interesting things :> he mean
Shawn: Yeah..... Like things like TBT looping back with Vincent.
Duncan: He wont tell you wan...very tight-lip :-$
Stephen (KL): TBT...
Stephen (KL): Umm...lost count liao
Shawn: Really? Lost count? He have many gf already?
Stephen (KL): gf at least 3 or 4 in KL kua
Siew Siew: zun bo
Stephen (KL): jun
Shawn: Wa lau!!!! How tall are they?
Duncan: must be zun wan leh...the three of us gona broadcast to everybody wan :))
Duncan: next time we see stephen, he'll have a black eye....
Stephen (KL): u sure or not?
Shawn: Ya lor. He press TBT's head with one hand and TBT cannot reach him with his punches already. Why scare?
.................... (Gossip abt TBT continues, with lots of details I can't reveal here)
Siew Siew: GN (Guniang [Mazli]) is back
Mazli: ah..what happened?
Shawn: Wa lau... You've just missed the most interesting chit chatting of all time.
....................(A lot of boring stuff exchanged)
Mazli: oi...just now what u say interesting?
Shawn: Told you already mah... We're toking about TBT's fling in KL.
...................(Another 20mins of conference)
Mazli: wait a minute..TBT fling in KL?!
...................(Another 10mins of conference)
Mazli: ooi....just now what's so interesting..i asked like 10 times already..
Shawn: X-( I ANS 10 TIMES ALREADY. ITS ABT TBT FLING IN KL!!!!
Duncan: CB x-( and we told you 11 times already....
Siew Siew: :))
Shawn: #-o Buay Ta Han...
Mazli: yeah..but u not answering the question...I askes what's SO INTERESTING. I didn't ask what's the interesting topic.. read the question carefully..
Duncan: wait...i send you the entire conversation...
Siew Siew: wah..bg (Bah Geh [Shawn]) can lun ar
Siew Siew: he saying ur english buay there leh
Mazli: yeah lor...english buay there..
Shawn: #-o Never mind.... S2. Now I know how you feel after you talked to your boss just now.
Siew Siew: yeah...sian
Duncan: :)) i can understand oso...
Mazli: which part :-/
Duncan: what part?
Mazli: yeah lor..
Duncan: i'm asking you...*vomit blood*...
Mazli: I dun understand mah..so asked again lor..
Mazli: keep givin me incorrect reply..
Shawn: X-( S2. Now I know how you feel when you talked to that idiot just now.
Siew Siew: :))
Shawn: He asked "which part?" leh!!!!
Shawn: #-o Ya... Really vomit blood.
Mazli: it's just like telling u that u r wrong..but never giving>reason or the correct way to do it...:>
Duncan: :-? shawn, me and joey (Siew Siew) all cannot be teachers....
Siew Siew: :))
Duncan: sooner or later need blood tranfusion....
Siew Siew: ya lah
Shawn: No.. No.. No... We can be teachers. But we must not select someone like GN to be our student.
Shawn: GN, you can use this same tatic to Siew Yan... She sure give up whatever GIT still owes her one.
Mazli: what tactic?
Siew Siew: :))
Mazli: :-/
Mazli: catch no balls leh..
Shawn: #-o Wah... I give up lah...
Mazli: :-/
Shawn: You don't need to do anything Mazli.. You have it all to defeat Siew Yan.
Shawn: Just talk normally.
Duncan: =))
Shawn: She'll give up one... Just remember that don't ask her why she give up.
Siew Siew: :))
...................(The conference continued for another 10 mins and ended)

We ended the conference early so that we our blood lost is kept to a mimimal.

must remember to warm up the car

Normally, drivers liked to warm up their cars prior to driving for the following reasons :-

1. To start the piston and kick up some of the engine oil so that when the car starts moving, there's more protection for the engine.

2. No better excuse of a SHK.

3. To run the air-con and ML at the backseat. Car front warm by engine. Car rear warm by....

For TBT, warming up of his car prior to driving is an important ritual. First, he opens the door, plug his key into the keyhole, twist it, close the door (but never locking it), then proceed to stand outside and light a fag. The reason he don't close the door fully is becoz "Scared the auto-lock activated. Then siao liao." This has been going on for years and years without any major incident. Until one fine day....

[ Act 1, Scene 2 - Tampiness mall]

EK and BG met for dinner. EK just got into a new job and is meeting his good fren BG to tok cock and bio cha bo.

Ring Ring...Ring Ring....

EK looked at his HP, it's TBT.

EK (Thinking to himself) : Havn't seen him for awhile..must be back home already and maybe wans to meet up...

Ring Ring...Ring Ring...

EK : Harlow..

TBT : Hey man, how are you huh?

EK : okie lah...not too bad...you back home already huh? Never go fetch wifey?

TBT : err...actually, that's why i called you..my spare key still with you?

EK : yep...but at home..

TBT : i kena locked out from my car...can you come and save me?

EK : WHAT?

TBT is a good fren of EK. Lend EK car. EK buang so many times but he never say anything. No choice, EK has to help him. BG on the other hand, is a good fren of EK. At BG wedding, EK help to eat chilli padi, carry roast pig up the stairs, help BG carry stoopid HK up the stairs, rush down to hotel ballroom to search franically for BG's bag (with 2 passports), etc etc...so BG had to help EK. He suay lah, was with EK at that time...So from the east, they travelled up to the north, then to the south to save TBT.

[ Act 1, Scene 20, Conrad carpark ]

TBT is starting next to his car, next to his wife, smoking the 20th hun ki of his car warming session.

EK : What happen? How come you kena locked out? tot you always careful not to close the door fully wan?

TBT : The stoopid carpark loh..put the lots on the slope...

EK (blur) : huh?

TBT : i did the usual ritual. Never close the door fully. But hor, becoz of the slope, the door close up loh.

EK : OMG!

[ Act 2, Scene 23 - TBT car ]

TBT : Err...you wan me to take back my spare key?

EK : No no...i'll keep it for you...

From then onwards, EK always bring TBT spare key no matter where he goes.

The Legends

After I put the Legends on the left, people started to ask me what some of the legends means... Let me pick some for a FAQ here:

SFX = Siao Fei Xiang 小飞像.. We gave William this nick after we noticed the resemblance with the Sharity Elephant. HK was the one that gave him this name.

HK? = Horny King.. Don't need to explain more.

GN = Gu Niang... Its a Hokkien for girly...

EK = Eh Kia.. Its a Hokkien for shortie...

BPM = Bullet Proof Monk.. Why give him this nick? Well.. You'll know if you know him personally.. Basically, he doesn't touch girl. And? He got nice hair-style...

XP = Xiao Pang.. 小胖....

BBS = Big Backside.. You'll also have to know her personally to know why we give her this nick.

DND = Do Not Disturb. Everyone knows why...

OL = Old lady?! KNN.. Don't be so cruel can or not? Its Office Lady... Those that every men out there will fantacy for...

Now come the last one... BPMG = Bullet Proof Monk's Girlfriend... Why? Ok.. Listen to the story below.....

Me and BPM joined GIT on 20th Feb 2001 together. We were both excited to join this dynamic company. We got settled down in the first week and were enjoying the company of fabulous colleagues...

BPMG: "Err... You guys coming back this Sat morning?" BMPG was talking to me and BPM.. As a new bird in this company, naturally, we come back every Sat even though its alternate Sat off.

BPM: "Ya... Why?"

BPMG: "Ohh.. I'm packing the store room this Sat morning and thought I might need some muscles"

BG: *Thinking to himself* "Yeah.. You've got the right guys... I'm fit while BPM is fat. Right combination..."

BPMG: "Ok then. See you guys on Sat morning..."


[Act 118, scene 6, a saturday morning in GIT store room]

After some packing and moving around some items in the store room, frankly speaking.. After packing, its still about the same.....

[BPMG]: "Hey guys, do you all play pool?"

[BG]: *thinking to himself* "Shit.. This ger is trying to date us out. KNN. I won't fall for the trap."

[BG]: "Nope." I answered straight without any emotion...

[BG]: *thinking to himself again* "Shit.. BPM better not fall for this trap.. Its so obvious that the next question is that she wanna learn and would like us to teach her."

Before BG could warn BPM....

[BPM]: "Ya.. Occasionally..."

[BPMG]: *Face full of horniess... Sorry.. sorry.. happiness...* "Is it? I'm trying to learn leh. When are you free? We can go to a pub and you can teach me leh..."

BG just kept quiet.... Trying to move item A from position 1 to position 2 and back to position 1 again. Now, he really feels that the room is a little bit cramp for 3 persons in it..... He moved with caution not wanting to touch BPMG's bum by accident that send the wrong message across... He quickly make his way out from that cramp room.....

[BG]: "I need a drink.. Anything for you guys?"

[BPM] & [BPMG]: "Nope. Thanks..."

[BPM]: "Ok lor.. Just let me know lor.." BG could hear BPM answering BPMG while he was walking out......

I don't know if they really went out for Pool session or not. I didn't ask BPM of the outcome.. But BPM sure gets a lot of priorities in every administration work after that day.. And that's why, I nick Wendy -- BPMG...

Umbrella story

This is one story that i won't be able to forget...

It was in year 2002. Just joined GIT. First thought of this company was "mmm...not bad hor...this company people quite friendly...should be able to get along quite well". This was when i met people like BPM, Sotong, Edm, etc.

Life should be quite good, i thought to myself.....

[ Act 1, Scene 1 - Paya Lebar MRT ]
That morning was raining cats and dogs.
850am:-

EK (Thinking to himself) : Siao liao lah. Rain so big. Cannot get across to CISCO building. How how?

He started pacing up and down the MRT entrance. As a new guy, naturally, he be scared to be late. Might even get fined $5 for 15mins. That time, he just got into the new job after being 4months out of work, so money was tight.

EK (Thinking to himself) : Bo bian already. Dash across lah. Better to be wet then late.

Just before making a run towards the CISCO building, EK heard a voice from behind.

S2 : Wei...what you doing here?

EK couldn't believe his luck. Just when all is lost and he is resigned to be soak in rain, S2 came along. He didn't know S2 very well but based on the LPK's account, S2 seems to be a very friendly and easy going. After all, LPK and S2 has worked together in India for 2months without quarrelling with each other. That in itself is quite a feat.

EK (with eyes beaming with hope) : Waiting for the rain to stop loh..

At the back of his mind, EK was hoping and praying that S2 has an umbrella to ferry both of them across. He pray and pray.....

S2 : i see...

She started fishing for something in her bag.

EK (Thinking to himself) : Aaa...my prayers has been answered, she has an umbrella.

S2 finally got her umbrella, opened up, gave EK a 25cents look...

S2 : 。。。你慢慢等咯。。

EK heart sank....

Will it break?

Hi all, saw this scene while have lunch with SFX and JFK... We stayed there for 45mins to know the result of the question that is revolving in our head... Will the chair break? While we were waiting for the result....

SFX: *turned to JFK and BG... With a serious look on his face...* "I'm not going to let this happen to me... This is something that I've promised myself..."

On that faithful day

It happened way back when GIT was still the "What? GI...what!"

Scene 1: Grand Plaza Hotel Singapore. Master of Gas Chamber (MGC) was summoned to have breakfast meeting with the CEO.

CEO : How is business?
MGC : I think the outlook is pretty good but plenty of challenges ahead though
CEO : Dont worry! I have faith in you....bla bla bla......

Coffee had never tasted some bitter in my life and the fruits had lost their taste...........

CEO : By the way, how's the new sales guy? The fat boy....
MGC: William? Oh. It is still too early to tell but looks promising (Obviously, I didn't know what I was talking about)

I decided better to head back to office so that CEO's sole attention wouldn't be on me. .....Anyway, there were tonnes of questions on our way back.......and in the lift going up to the office..

Scene 2: (right outside our office)

MGC: William will be here already. He's always early. Anyway........ there's an IVR tender
CEO : Oh!

When the heavy wooden slowly swing opened....We both heard some noise

sfx.....oh no!......sfx.... why?

sfx was snoozing away with "mucus" driping .....................

CEO turned and looked at me...@#S%$#%%^&*^^

MGC: Tender due today! Must have burnt midnight oil....

Dinner Time

Hi all.... Since I joined GIT, I've learnt that dinner time, can be used for different purpose..... To pissed people off....

Below is how I learnt the lesson..... Before you start, you should by now know who is BB, who is GN, who is S2 and etc. If you don't know, please feel free to leave comments to find out.

[GN]: *yahoo S2...* "Wanna have dinner together tonite or not?"

[S2]: "Ok lor.. But who going?"

[GN]: "Friends lor..."

*S2 stopped replying.......*

GN got boring.... So he started to jio more people for the dinner... He knows that S2 don't know what "Friends lor" meant and will sure screw him hard later on one.. Sigh.. Sometime he also resign to his fate....

"To be the only genius in this world, its lonely..." GN thought to himself....

[GN]: *yahoo to BB* "Ooi.. Wanna have dinner tonight or not?"

[BB]: "With who?"

[GN]: "S2 and me lor..." *He remembered his last encounter and is now more careful in not to show that he is genius...*

[BB]: "Ok lor.. So what time shall we meet?"

[GN]: "Dinner time.."

[BB]: *Getting a bit pissed off..* "My dinner time is 7pm, your dinner time is 8pm... So what time meet?"

[GN]: "Dinner time lor..."

BB stopped replying.... GN sensed that BB didn't understand his "Dinner Time" again... He felt lonely again.. "What to do? I'm born Genius...." LP2 thought to himself...

Later in the nite, BB, GN, S2, Sharon, Shenon, Lizard all meet for dinner.. Its a dinner date that no one is late... Because, everyone came exactly at their dinner time..

LP Story arising from LP Stories Blog

This afternoon, while I was out shopping.... i received an SMS from Big Bread aka Toa Loh Di aka Dorothy aka Siao Char Boh (too many liaoz lah.. roughly there lah)..
So here are the SMS exchanges.... (lucky i havent delete the messages... hahaha)

[BB]: Your Blog site only git ppl cc read? I want to give my comments too!

[Jfk]: Give ur comments lor. Ha ha. Which blog u refering to? LPstories ah?

[BB]:YaYa

[Jfk]: U wanna put comments or upload stories?

[BB]:If i put Comments who get to see it? I actually commented..

[Jfk]: Everyone oso can see lah. Haha. U comment which story? Dun forget to check out the other website. Jfk's blog.

[BB]: U know i very blur one.. Dont know how to use all these.. Wat is link?

[Jfk]: Arghhhh! Link from site to site lah. Look at the left column, got link to mine and sfx blog.

[BB]: I was suprise stephen wrote about chew dinner thing.. He Abit carried away to write this kind of thing. U should write the mazli dinner time thing as well. Hee

[Jfk]: Haha. Mazli dinner time story u put lah. Ask bahgeh to give u rights to upload. Stephen where got write abt chew? William upload wan...

[BB]: Is it.. Put master of chambers leh.. Aiyo.. Dont blog about me so blur ah

[Jfk]: Aiyoh. Think u mix up the name liaoz lah. The originator actually comes at the end of the story lah. LAME siah... Must upload this conversation liaoz. Muahaha!

[BB]:Blah

*Note: Please note that BB does not stands for Big Breast ah... in fact, its the opposite... hahaha

Car Keys

Author: LP2 aka EK

[ Act 1 Scene 1 - Thurs (LP2 cosy home) ]

...*ring*...*ring*....
LP2 : Harlow..
LPK : duncan ah, i'm back already.
LP2 : Huh? But you not suppose to be back till fri mah....come back becoz got earthquake huh?
LPK : No lah, i tot my arrival date is fri..........
........duh.............

[Act 1 Scene 2 - Thurs (Airport) ]

LPK's wife : duncan ah, heng you come down fetch us ah.
LP2 : why leh?
LPK's wife : LPK forgot to bring the house keys to japan....he left it in his car.......and his car keys are with you........
.......duh...........

[ Act 1 Scene 3 - Thurs (CISCO carpark) ]

LPK : siao liao! The keys also not inside the car...this time jiak luck liao.......duncan, got to go your house tonite.....
LPK's wife : mayb inside our bag leh....try search....

LPK dig into his travel bag.

LPK : eh, how come the keys are here huh??

.......just when i tot i've finally caught up with the king.......he gallop furthur and furthur away..........heehaaaa................

Shawn's Wedding (Part 1)

Author: EK Aka LP2

[Act 3 Scene 1 (Shawn's wedding, Location : ballroom)]

After first round of photo taking with each individual tables, it's time for get-the-groom-drunk session with some of the tables.

LP2 to HK (Upon seeing that so much alcohol is being toast to the groom & his brothers) : Wah, so much to drink. You can take it or not?

HK : Of coz lah. Alcohol i can tahan wan. Not a problem.

LP2 : You sure? Seems like a lot to drink leh. Need my help to take some or not?

HK : No need no need. No problem wan.

LP2 settle back in his seat and continue dinner.

[Act 3 Scene 2]
....fast forward 30 minutes later....

NSLP to HK: oei.. i need to fetch my wifey back 1st ah... shawn's 2 bags left it at your table ah. remember to bring it up later ok? steady boh?

HK: no problem lah.. 2 bags rite? steady.. later i bring up.. dont worry.. u go u go!!!

[Act 3 Scene 3]
....fast forward 15 minutes later....

NSLP to LP2 (Over phone) : Eh, think Shawn and HK drunk liao. You can help take care of them?

LP2 : HK drunk? Cannot be lah. He said he no problem leh. He very good drinker. This
shouldn't happen.

NSLP : No no, HK very high already. From the way he tok to you, you know. Help to take care of the two of them.

LP2 (still not convinced) : Okie loh. i will help.

[Act 4 Scene 1 (Outside ballroom)]
....fast forward 15minutes later....

HK to LP2 : i...must...help shawn......drink. His army friends.....want to drink....with...him.

(By this time, all guest has left. Waiters clearing up the ballroom. All table cloth taken off the table)

LP2 : KNN. Everybody left already lah!

....fast forward 3 minutes later....

HK to lead waiter : Joseph ah....thanks for your help....very....nice...wedding.....

LP2 : His name is Jeffrey.

....fast forward 1 minute later....

HK to lead waiter : Your...name's Joseph....rite?

LP2 : His name is Jeffrey.

....fast forward 3 minutes later....

HK to ballroom captain : Joseph ah...we...still got...3 bottles of martel...bring to my room....can?

Ballroom caption : My name's Joe.

William : i bring the bottles up already.

...fast forward 5 minutes later....

HK : Your name....Joe....rite?

Joe : Yup.

HK : i...still got....3 bottles....of martel....under the table....i going in.....to take....

(the table in question is being dismantled)

[Act 4 Scene 2]
(Ring.... Ring...)
NSLP: Harlow?

William: Jfk, where is shawn's 2 bags ah?

NSLP: WTF?! I told James to take care of it leh...

William: He say boh leh... (Turns to James) Oei, Jfk say he ask u to take care of the bags leh.

HK (in the background): Dont have lah.... wat bag... my 3 bottles of martel leh?? no bags lah... my martel is not in the bags...

NSLP: KNN!!! that bloody @#%@#%... simple thing also cannot take responsibility... knn.... my fault my fault.. for trusting a drunkard.... it should be at the table lah. can look for it?

William: ok ok...

.... fast forward 10 minutes later....
(Ring.. Ring...)

NSLP: How how???

William: Got liaoz lah.. dunno who bring it up to the hotel room...

[Act 4 Scene 3 (In the hotel room)]

HK to LP2 : we...still got....3 bottles.....of martel in....the ballroom....go bring....it up......

( LP2 and William give up liao....)

HK to nobody in particular : i call....Shawn.....think he drunk liao....see if he....needs help.....

(LP2 and William left the room)

Hotel Keys 2

Almost forgot that there is another KL Story... Not sure which comes 1st, too long ago liaoz...

So there we were, few of us (Jfk, Dunken Master, GN & dunno which 闲杂人等) still staying at the same service apartment (Crown Regency).
Every nite after a hard day's work at between 11pm - 2am, when we drive back to our service apartment, we will drive pass the Beach Club area which is super happening... got lots of Chio Buzzzz wearing almost next to nothing....
So after 1 fine day, we decided to go out and cheong.... but the problem is, stoopid GN do not want to join us... He wanted to PCC after seeing so many gals wearing g-string in transparent mini-skirt and braless tops...
Since we only have 1 set of keys, so we intend to send him back to hotel 1st before coming out again.
So we go out and cheong lor.. forgot where we go lah.. Atmosphere or some KTV i also forgot liaoz lah.. haha... so after all Pierre become drunk (again), then we decided to come back before he start to make a nuisance of himself....

[taking the lift up the apartment]

[walking down the corridor leading to our room]

[slotting the key into the keyhole and turning it]

[pushing the door in...]

KROG. KROG. KROG KROG KROG...
"WTF?! why is the door LATCHED from the INSIDE?!"

Wind, Water Take Turns to Turn

"You should have use another machine on the network to ping the IP address you want to use first what. How can you make this kind of mistake?" LP1 was smiling to himself thinking of these words that CKS reprimanded him. CKS was his immediate superior then. He was a serious manager who will punish everyone who makes mistake. With his tall and big-frame body standing at 1.8m high, 0.9m wide, he would strike fear into your heart with every move he made. LP1 on the other hand, was at his mercy with his small-built body and a face full of pimples. These words are the exact words that CKS reprimanded him two years ago when he made a very silly mistake. He conflicted one of the customer's server's IP address with his notebook. Although LP1 hated the "silly mistake" or "stupid question" phase, he could not deny that it was a stupid thing to do. It had caused the server to crash for few minutes. The reason why he was not paying a fine although CKS likes to impose monetary fine on his engineers was that the problem did not blew big enough. LP1 was lucky enough. Otherwise, this would have cost him at least a hundred dollars considering the fact that fifteen minutes of late for work will consitute to five dollars fine.

LP1 tossed around in his bed. Sending short messages to his friends while laughing and thinking of those words that CKS had said to him two years ago. He could not sleep at all. He was getting too excited about the whole incident that happened this morning.

"I should go for a facial tomorrow afternoon to celebrate this." LP1 thought to himself. He had been going to this facial treatment regularly to try to get rid of those pimples on his face.

"78, 79, 80… errr…… This one not counted. 80, 81…" LP1 counting away on those cute mountains he had on his face looking into his Hello Kitty mirror. He heard a short message alert tone from his mobile phone. He picked it up and read the message.

"Hahaha….. Tell leh… Tell leh… Who is it?" It was from S2, his best friend. S2 was his best friend and best buddy. LP1 would tell everything to S2 and they had no secrets with each other. So naturally, LP1 would inform S2 first about this excited incident. Although S2 has a small body frame, she is a "fiery little chilly" with her golden color hair and spikes that you wouldn't want to hurt your hands with. Her voice is crisp and sharp could be felt even though it was just a short message on the mobile phone.

"Its CKS. Hahahhaa…… Damn it. I've been waiting for this day to come!!!" LP1 replied S2. The grin on his face had already touched his ears while he was typing this message into his mobile phone. He threw his mobile phone onto his bed and reach out to his computer to log on to Yahoo Messenger Service hopping to reach a wider crowd to inform them about this incident. He shifted his legs apart to adjust his "brother" and place it back to its original position. His "brother" had shifted aside while he was making this big movement to get to his computer.

"KNN…. Should have wear an underwear." LP1 thought to himself. It is really amazing that he even swear vulgar language while he was thinking aloud to himself.

"How can this happen to me? Sigh…. LP1 must be laughing his hearts out by now." CKS was in very deep thought back in his bed.

"Tomorrow I'm going to meet them in the Chalet. How am I going to face them?" CKS mumbled. Sometime, it is really very difficult to differentiate if CKS was mumbling to himself or speaking normally. It would take five years of study to learn to differentiate that. CKS was also tossing around in his bed. But his case is a different one from LP1. He was worried instead of excited. He kept looking at his wife who was sleeping beside him. She was already so sound asleep. He rolled over to hug her, pressing his "hard rod" against her backside. No one really knows why CKS could experience a hardon while worrying about the incident. No one really knows. CKS's wife immediately pushed him aside.

"Don't disturb me. Go to sleep or get out of here. Stop thinking about the incident lah. Go play with your Di Di if you really cannot sleep." CKS wife spoke with an angry but sleepy tone. CKS realized now that it was impossible to get her to have sex and had no choice but to roll over and to continue his deep thoughts.

"Halo! KNN. What time already? Now then come?! You lost your way again har?!" JFK shouting at LGY. LGY is late again as usual. The worst thing was that he had this "don't care" attitude showing on his face. JFK's wife, Garfield was the opposite. She was delighted when she saw LGY's wife, Pinky. Finally there is someone to chitchat with her. Garfield immediately puts her potatoes chips away and welcomes Pinky with a big smile, although still sitting on the crouch in front of the television set.

"No lah… Pinky lor… Needs to pick her up and it was jam all the way from that stupid Jalan Bukit Merah to here. Took a lot of detour but the whole of Singapore is jam." LGY explained. As usual, it will never be his fault for anything that happened. But nonetheless, everybody finally arrived at this Chalet that Sharon organized to cheer everyone up.

"Ooi. Ooi… LP1 got tell you or not? Its CKS leh." LGY gossiped to JFK.

"Got. Got. Got.. Hahahaa……. This news even made my Garfield jump out from her crouch laughing when I told her about it." JFK replied with an excited tone.

"See lah!!!! See lah!!!! You should have use another machine on the network to ping the IP address you want to use first what. How can you make this kind of mistake?!! Aiyo, why like that? I don't care ah.. GIT is going to be responsible for this. I'm going to report to my boss and let him see what he wants to do with GIT ah. I've told you all already mah……." LP1 interrupted imitating TMM. TMM was nagging non-stop while CKS was rescuing the servers. LP1 was showing the response of TMM when the incident that involved CKS happened to LGY and JFK. TMM was the customer's engineer taking care of the servers provided by CKS's company, GIT. CKS had made the same mistake as what LP1 did two years ago yesterday while he was on site working on the servers. He had caused the service provided by the servers to crash for thirty minutes. LP1 grin was still touching his ear when he was imitating this.

"Hahhaha… Hahhaha… Hahaha……. Ooi. Ooi. Ooi. CKS come already. CKS come already." JFK, LGY and LP1 were laughing their hearts out when CKS strolled into the Chalet reluctantly. He knew something is going to happen to him when he come to this Chalet but he had to come because he was hoping that not much people knew about the incident.

"Especially LGY and JFK." CKS mumbled or speaking to himself. No one could differentiate.

"Ooi… Heard that you crash people's IP ah?" JFK teasing CKS. CKS eyebrow twitch a bit when he heard this. He was surprised that the news had already spread all the way to JFK. He knew immediately that the whole world is going to know about his as JFK is simply the best "broadcasting station" available in the world.

"No lah. Its Willy, I mean Widi lah. Luckily ah… I was there. I helped to recover the servers men. It was out for thirty minutes. Sigh…." CKS denied it and walked away immediately hoping that this would prevent the broadcasting station from broadcasting the incident.