Eh! I thought it was my car!

Actually, between the will-it-break and x-colleague stories, I almost for got a lame story ... from our lgy ... I was dared to write this ... so here goes ...

So after lgy has kindly invite sfx and jfk for lunch the next day, sfx being the kind and helpful soul that he is, will fetch lgy from his workplace first then jfx before proceeding to hong lim market ...

sfx was so looking forward to lunch, as he has always enjoyed lunching with his x-colleagues. It start raining cats and dogs when sfx reaches the job site where lgy works. sfx managed to reverse the car into an empty lot with zinc roof so that his x-colleague will not get wet when getting to the car.

so he sms lgy that he has arrived.

*** flashback ***
lgy has a good morning in the office ... he is still thinking of his S$200+++ winning the nite before as well as showing off to (SPBTLAM) GN that lgy is still a better mahjong player.

What is better than making money? ... making love!!!

lgy is thinking how he will launch his "attack" on pinky that nite. Pinky has resisted all his "advances" recently.

"Hmm, I should wear my fe-ah-vout red GS and catwalk from the kitchen to ..." when the sms interrupted his thought.

"I am cuming" replied lgy as he heads for the door.

As he stepped outside, he can see sfx waiting patiently (dozing but still managed to stay awake) in the car in the lot right in front of him ... so he made his way under the shelter to the passenger side ... passed it ... goes to the back of the car ... and end up on the driver's side ... attempting to open the door when sfx gave him a stunned look!

"What are you trying to do?" questioned sfx.

"Eh! I thought it was my car!" lgy answered sheepishly ...

DUH!

The Event Of The YEAR

How could we possibly miss out this story?! This should have been the most Lame Story that ever happen…

Roughly about a year ago… during this Tiger Cup season, Team Singapore somehow managed to reach the finals to play against Indonesia… (For the uninitiated, Tiger Cup is a regional Soccer competition, where all the SEA countries compete. As to why its called Tiger Cup, DUH!!! Sponsored by Tiger lah… I BET that BG dunno this…)
From what I gathered, Singapore managed to reach the finals because we are hosting the event… (KELONG!!!)

Anyway, a few days before the final, EK & BG were having dinner…

[EK]: Wah seh… Singapore steady siah.. reach final liaoz… think we might win ah.

[BG]: Cannot be lah… Singapore CMI (cannot make it) wan…

[EK]: Wanna bet… I think got a fair chance of winning…

[BG]: No No No! Boh Kor Leng wan…. Singapore CUNTSFIRM lose wan… If Singapore lose, you for me ah.. heh heh.
BG thinking to himself.. ‘Wah. Finally got chance to be touched by EK liaoz.. I have been fantasizing about him for soooo long…’

[EK]: Then if Singapore win how???
‘Gross man… for him, no prob.. I will use sandpaper to do it… hehehe’

[BG]: IF SINGAPORE WIN, I WILL S**K MY OWN C**K!!!

Up till today… we are still waiting for him to honour his bet…

X-Colleague

Everytime we need money, we think of mahjong. Everytime we need a mahjong kaki, we immediately jio GN.

Everytime we [lgy, jfk, sfx, GN (spbtlam) and occasionally EK (when he is not in kl sianning the aunties at kopi shops)] play mahjong at PEC, 3 things will happen:

1. gn will be late and on very very few occassions lgy, too.
2. lgy will fart like crazy and gives a very silly and sextisfied grin each time … (before, during and after the mahjong games, ... anywhere, even at the table ...)
3. gn will proclaim that he is better at mahjong than lgy ... (we do not have the heart to tell him ...)

To cut the story short, lgy being the biggest winner (S$200+++) that nite had to buy us lunch … so jfk and sfx jio him to hong lim market for lunch the next day to eat the famous bkt (bah-kut-teh).

So same thing as always (ssdd), after the sextified lunch, jfk and lgy refused to go back to office yet, citing that it is not time and they want to go to chinatown point to have some exercise, REM (rapid eye movement).

sfx being the responsible one, joins them reluctantly as he was the driver designated and cannot leave them behind.

On the way there, sfx saw someone he knows, a customer that he had worked with previously.

“Hi Vin, good to see you! Wah! Why are you doing here?” sfx asked.

“Oh, I am here after lunch. My office is just round the corner.” Vin offered.

“Ya hor” sfx, feeling paiseh for idling, responded, “Well, I come here with my “x-colleagues” for lunch also. See you around”.

As sfx parted ways with Vin, he felt “daggers” flying at him from jfk and more from lgy.

“WAH, people say he have lunch with EX-COLLEAGUES.” lgy retorted, “After so many lunches, and so many dinners, we are only EX-COLLEAGUES” as he huffed and puffed away. "EX-COLLEAGUES!!!"

sfx was then thinking to himself, “hmm, is it a good time to ask lgy to buy us dinner too?”

Ms Sim

This is a story of Ms Sim.

After the Van Rental incident, sfx is trying to recover from the shock.

"How can I be so careless?" he thinks to himself. “Like that continue, I will be lamer than one of my x-colleagues, namely lgy (jfk is also x-colleague but not so lame yet). I am only at NSLP level. I do not want to go to LP level yet. Must do something to about it!”

So sfx pretend nothing has happened, and during one of the “serious” conference in MSN, asking for the marketing manager of M*. So lgy volunteered a name, a Veron something, Veronica Sim he thinks, a marketing manager, no email, just the mobile number: 81255***.

So sfx tried to call immediately cos his boss needs to tok to them. He calls but no answers. He got worried. He must impresss his boss so he calls again. This time, the call got hung up.

No choice, sfx give the mobile number to his boss and felt that he had done his job. As he walks back to his desk sextisfied, sfx saw the mayhem in MSN conference.

Apparently, lgy had a chut stunt and stunned sfx … the mobile he had given him does not belongs to Ms Veronica Sim of M*, it belongs to another x-colleague, Horny Mom.

And this is how Horny Mom is now also known as Miss Sim or Missing.

How she becomes Horny Mom ... that's another story ...

Plus65

Not so long ago.... we went to KL for work (again!)... well.. this time its different...
1st, we are travelling by car. not plane... and who drove? our dear Mr Moustache.. SW!!
2ndly, we have SW for company... which is great! more jokes from i believe.. still reeling from the cable tie & test email joke about SW.. heh heh...

So here we are 3(SW, Jfk, GN) of us in SW's RAV4.. driving upon KL.
This is not the 1st time SW drove to KL... he had been up a couple of times previously, so he had bought another local SIM card. 'Use this to call back to SG is cheaper... and your family can call u.. free incoming come more.. good ah', SW was telling us...

So upon reaching KL, SW wanna send an SMS back to his daughter... to notify that he is safe.

To: 9XXXXXXX
'Hi dear dear. I have reached KL... tell mummy don't worry... i will be extra extra careful wan.. i will make sure i wear 2 layers of condom....'

-Send-
'TEEEEH!'
'Message not sent'.
'Eh? why like that? nevermind, try again.'

-Send-
'TEEEH TEEEH TEEH!' (don't understand ah? cannot means cannot!!! try 10 times also cannot lah)
'Message not sent'.

[SW]: Eh? how come ah? eh jeff. how come my phone cannot send SMS one? yours can or not?

[Jfk]: Is it??? cannot be lah... you never pay phone bill is it...

[SW]: Got lah... faster leh.. i kancheong liaoz... how to send??

[Jfk]: Wait ah, GN try see can or not... btw you got +65 infront or not?

[SW]: Eh. yah hor.. forgot.. i try again...

-Send-
'TEEEEH TEEEH TEEEH!!!!!'
[SW]: Eh... still cannot lah.. u know wan or not....

[GN]: I try liaoz leh.. mine can leh....

[Jfk]: are you sure you got put +65 in front???

[SW]: Got got got... I got PLUS 65 in front..... u see

[To: 659XXXXXXX]

[Jfk]: Wah kaoz!!! ADD a + SIX FIVE!!! not PLUS SIX FIVE!!!

最高境界

Recently, someone mentioned something that reminds me of this incident.

Long long time ago..... there is this training at a customer place. So me(JFK) & SFX attended the training together...

There are a few different groups of people who attended. So there I was, sitting on the right of SFX. And there are 2 Chio Buz wearing short tight skirt sitting on my right... So you can imagine how tough I need to maintain concentration ah.... on the training I mean.

After the training started for about 10 minutes, SFX took out his file which contain some tables for his other account which is meaningless to me. He will scroll thru the list 1 by 1 with his finger gliding down the pages... which seems quite weird to me, wondering if he need to use a ruler instead.... anyway I wasnt really concentrating on him.. i was concentrating on... er.... the training! Yes, the training... So where was I??
Ok, so after another 15 mins or so... alternating between the trainer and the 2 gals beside me, the gals started to giggle... I turn to them and they smile at back, giggling and at me...
'Am I that Yan Dao?', i tot to myself.. 'how come they so happy looking at me ah.... hmmm....'
So I smile back lah.... and gave them the back... and they are turned on even more... or so I thought...
Then suddenly I realised something, 'Don't tell me they noticed that my KuKu is standing up liaoz after bioing them....' So I turn down to see if my fly is open or whatever... But no leh... everything seems normal... although its normal, it might appear BIG to them u see.... But they are still giggling to themselves, getting louder...

So I turned to my left to share tell SFX that got 2 chio bu bioing me... But when I turned round, I see SFX slouching at a position without moving... you can only see his stomach expanding and contracting..... Then I noticed that his eyes are closed.... OMG.... SO, the gals are laughing at him... haiz... make me happy for nothing.... so I gently jab SFX on his side to wake him up.
No reaction.
Wah... sleep like a log meh.... let me try again...
Just as I was about to jab a second time, shock awaits me.... his finger started to move...
They started to move up to the previous line on top, and then down to the next line again...
I look up to see his face, his eyes are still CLOSED!!!
Then after awhile, he started to move about and it might seemed like he IS really scrolling the list for items....
Wah... really steady siah.....

So throughout the whole training, the screen saver will appear every 5 minutes, then mouse will auto-move to clear the screen saver... impressive....

Last step to being a Millionaire

Hi all, if suddenly, you don't see any new posting here after a month, check these numbers against tonight's winning numbers... $2.8million / 3 = $0.9million each.

07 13 17 20 30 44
01 29 31 40 43 44
05 06 07 12 16 29
09 13 15 33 35 45
11 13 21 24 31 43
16 17 27 40 41 42
05 07 19 21 24 41
01 07 10 14 26 44
03 05 08 22 26 36
04 08 10 17 23 35
06 09 10 16 27 41
02 04 12 16 20 39
08 18 19 22 25 43
11 24 37 41 42 43
01 04 05 07 10 25
01 16 17 42 43 45
01 06 16 34 44 45
03 11 27 32 35 39
01 02 10 20 25 44
13 24 35 38 39 40
10 14 19 24 32 41
01 07 09 11 28 34
08 10 13 20 36 39
09 10 17 19 22 41
01 10 16 23 24 37
01 02 16 21 31 45
11 13 20 28 32 35
05 15 24 30 35 41
09 13 24 31 42 45
28 34 36 39 43 44
07 18 29 35 39 41
02 04 20 26 29 42
08 22 30 38 42 44
01 05 31 39 44 45
02 05 21 38 41 42
06 15 22 27 36 45
14 15 25 30 31 35
01 12 15 22 33 40
01 04 06 09 10 37
08 16 22 26 43 44
12 13 17 22 34 37
17 18 21 30 36 44
04 18 25 36 39 43
09 27 29 31 36 38
01 02 09 10 17 29
16 21 23 24 36 40
04 06 12 21 29 33
25 29 31 36 39 44
15 21 22 26 34 39
04 19 27 28 39 44
16 19 22 29 32 35
01 03 11 31 38 40
03 07 11 19 26 45
04 06 11 24 31 32
03 14 20 33 40 43
04 13 17 18 26 28
03 09 19 24 29 41
05 19 21 33 42 43
03 07 29 35 42 44
11 17 28 31 42 43

Van Rental

[Act 64, Scene 1: At PEC (Pungol Entertainment Center) on JFK & Garfield bed, 31 Jul 05, 10am]

It was a tired day. JFK just had a Mahjong session with LGY, SFX, EK and GN. He couldn't think well at all.. Lying on his bed, Garfield was snoring beside him. JFK couldn't believe it. She has been sleeping since 2am this morning. Its more than 8hrs of sleep already.

[JFK]: "What a pig..... Eh.. But wait. Pig is Pinky.. Hmmm..."

*snor.... snor... snor....* Garfield slapped her right hand over JFK's stomach. JFK somehow or rather.. Got aroused... Don't know why.. This isn't the first time.... He shifted himself up.. Shifted himself up.. Slowly.. Slowly.... Sliding Garfield's hand lower and lower and nearer to his groin area...

[JFK]: "Wah.... Shoik......." Garfield's hand was already at his groin area.. He beemed with happiness and sextisfaction. He wanted to get more.. He shifted his body left and right, left and right to get the rubbing effects.. Wah.... He could almost feel his "buddy" lifting up Garfield's hand. The feeling of being rubbed around his buddy's "rim" area really is very shoik..

*Preeerringgg.....* That was the sms tone on JFK's mobile phone. Shit. Someone has to sms him at this point and spoil all the fun. He brought up his mobile phone. Read the sms......

"Any lobang to rent a van?" It was from SFX. He couldn't believe that the biggest pig of all, who actually can sleep anywhere, including while attending a training at customer's site (see here) woke up so early in the morning. He was very annoyed..

"92707*** - Look for Edison." JFK replied.. Put his handphone back and with Garfield's hand still on his groin, continued the left and right turning..... Fyi, 92707*** is EK's handphone's number. I couldn't release it here. Otherwise, the whole world will be calling him. He has a Van that he brought a year back. He use it for transport sometime.. As to why JFK asked SFX to look for Edison? Well, you have to look at the 2 picture below to know why.. Look carefully...

*Preeeerinnggggggg..... * Another sms... Shit!! He was damn angry. What does this SFX want?!

"TY." It was from SFX again! WTF!?! Never mind, JFK decided not to reply anymore and continue with his left and right turning...... But the 2nd sms woke Garfield up.

[Garfield]: "What are you doing?!" Garfield looked at JFK with an angry look.. JFK returned a cheeky smile...

[JFK]: "Help me.. Help me..." Garfield moved up, gave JFK a tight slap, rubbing all the debris on her hand that she got from JFK rubbing his groin against her hands onto JFK's face... Yucks!! Its like being slapped by your own cock.. Disgusting... Garfield turned around and continued sleeping... JFK walked to the bathroom and wash his face....

[Act 64, Scene 2: At SFX's wife house, 31 Jul 05, 10:15am]

[SFX]: "Nah.. Call his number and look for Edison to rent a van." SFX showed his wife the sms from JFK. She was the one who was looking for a van for rental. So, SFX asked around for lobang..

[Act 64, Scene 3: At JFK's office, 1 Aug 05, 9am]

*Preeeerrrinngggg........* JFK's mobile phone sms tone sounded again. It reminded him of the slappingby his buddy because of this tone. He is going to change this tone soon....

"Eh, the number correct or not?" It was SFX again.. JFK was already rolling on the floor laughing when he read this message. He didn't expect SFX to really call. Which in actual fact, SFX didn't call. His wife did.

"No such person." EK replied.

Original taken from Magazine	Featuring EK, JFK and LGY

Barley Thick

It was a good nite out.

NSLP2 (sfx), NSLP (jfk), Garfield and LPK had dinner together one night to discuss the approach and strategy of winning the mahjong game again the self-proclaim-better-than-LPK-at-mahjong (SPBTLAM) guniang.

Before the dinner, all have agreed that who won the most money previous will be in charge of buying and paying for the titbits. The one who lost the most will be in charge of buying and paying for the drink, according to LPK anyway. So orders were taken and relay to guniang on what drinks to buy.

During the dinner, SPBTSAM called JFK.
[SPBTSAM]: 'Eh, where got barley thick one? YEO's packet drink right? I ask the auntie got barley thick or not. She gave me the blank look...'
Jfk relayed this question to SFX & LPK...
LPK, who was having the famous bah-chor mee in Bedok 85 at time, almost had a piece of noodle came out through his left nostril.

After the sumptuous dinner, we went to NTUC to buy titbits for the night. We bought 2 bags full of titbits for the night’s consumption. One bag was passed to Garfield and one bag was carried by sfx.

On reaching PEC together, Garfield took one bag and sfx took one bag from his car, at this point, Garfield commented, “eh … you also buy titbits ah? Now we have more titbits” … sfx was stunned into silence …

--------------------
Flashback....
earlier in the day, the MSN conversation between GN & Jfk:

Date	Time	From	To	Message
29/07/2005	11:44:13 AM	Mazli	Jfk	ok ok..
29/07/2005	11:44:17 AM	Mazli	Jfk	what drink u want?
29/07/2005	11:44:26 AM	Mazli	Jfk	barley, chrysanthemum and what?
29/07/2005	11:44:26 AM	Jfk	Mazli	barley thick
29/07/2005	11:44:34 AM	Mazli	Jfk	got thick wan?
29/07/2005	11:44:52 AM	Jfk	Mazli	got....
29/07/2005	11:44:57 AM	Jfk	Mazli	go ask for it lah
29/07/2005	11:45:38 AM	Mazli	Jfk	ok..
29/07/2005	11:45:44 AM	Mazli	Jfk	this wan packet drink rite?
29/07/2005	11:46:31 AM	Jfk	Mazli	yupyup
29/07/2005	11:47:26 AM	Mazli	Jfk	ok..