PET Race

Okie... today I got form ah.. dig out all the pass mails.... laughing all the way while typing this...

anyway, this is a short wan...

Introduction

Every year, there is a recreational event organised by the Recreation Club... So this particular year, the Recreational Club arranged for an event called PET race... I forgot wat it stands for... basically its like a Treasure Hunt from car...
So the members of the RC will not be able to take part in the game.. so they will need to plan the location of the 'treasures' and will act as the judges...

Members of the RC: KJS, Yujiro, EK, dunno who else lah...

So a few days before the PET event, the group of aunties were having lunch....
[BB](talking loudly to herself): Eh...alamak... how to get to Orchid Country club on Saturday ah?? aiyah.. very troublesome leh....

[KJS] (very shocked): EH?! how come u know that is one of the destination ah???

[BB]: My fren holding his wedding there on Sat nite mah.....

Now you know why KJS is called Kan Jeong Spider.....

Flow Chart Part 2

Author: Shawn Lee

This happens after the Chapter 1 event....

Chapter 2:

Ms Tay(S2)'s darling was waiting for her to knock off at the bus-stop outside CISCO Center 1. Boeing 747(Jfk) was also on his way home and waiting to get out of the dreadful turn out from CISCO Center 1. Boeing 747 was chatting with F17(BG) on the phone and tell F17 that he saw Ms Tay's darling. Then suddenly, Ms Tay walked out of CISCO Center 2 and was walking towards her darling. Then upon seeing each other, Ms Tay gave that puppy looking saying silently "I worked hard at work today. Me now tired tired.". Then Ms Tay's darling gave her that look saying silently "So what? You know I wait for how long already or not?". Then Ms Tay keep that puppy look and immediately hug Ms Tay's husband and kiss kiss mouth to mouth. Wah.... Upon seeing this, Boeing 747 got stunned. Imagine, two twenty something adult hugging and kissing in the public. So Boeing 747 immediately tell F17 about the situation. F17 was also stunned. He started imagine what will these 2 adults do when nobody is around...... Wah.. So F17 got so excited that F17 immediately call Ms Tay. The conversation goes as follows:

F17: "Wah.... Don't need to get so passoniate one gar?"
Ms Tay: "HAR!!! Who? Where? Who? Where are you?" (She started looking around with her blushed face)
F17: "Me at a spot that you cannot see one lah."
Ms Tay: "QuicK! Where are you? Huh? I cannot see you. Where?"
F17: "Me just right behind you. Don't waste effort finding me lah."
Ms Tay: "Wa lau... Must hug hug kiss kiss everyday one mah."
F17: "Ohhhh..... I must say, your darling is the one and only in Singapore already. Already got hand (Dao Shou) already still waste time to go wait for you to knock off. Waste time leh."
Ms Tay: "Is it? He really so good? I think so also leh."
F17: "Wa lau, got time must ask him out to wash his brain already. He cannot make it if he carry on like that lah."
Ms Tay: ".............."
F17: "OK lah. Don't teach my wife any tricks on how to train husband until like that har! If not cannot continue friendship anymore."
Ms Tay: "Ok ok lah. Bye bye."

PS: Their hands did not let go at all throughout this conversation. After that, Ms Tay's darling hugs Ms Tay tight tight and wishper "Go teach F17's wife." (He sticks his tongue out and lick Ms Tay)

Flow Chart

Prologue:
S2 did a very thorough flowchart for Anup(another ex-GITian) to do his VAPP program. Whichin the end was not used at all. but that is beside the point.
So when HK was tasked to do the VAPP for another project, he bugged S2 for the flowchart. But because she is not involve in the project, she didnt do it for him. Which result with him being very TL(Tu Lan/Pissed Off) with her.

Chapter1:
So on this day, HKand S2 met face-to-face at a customer site. Both of them ignore each other... then dunno who started the conversation, and it continue like this:

[HK]: "hmmph!"

[S2]: "hmmmmmph!"

[HK]: "where is my flowchart?"

[S2]: "I left it on your table."

at this point, his reaction changed drastically. with a bit of guilt, he replied: "how come never let me know?"
[S2]: "who ask you dunwan to hew me.... u TL me mah..."

[HK]: "I joking with you only mah..."

[S2]: "I also joking with you!!!! hahahaha..."

.....to be continued?......

P.S. in case you dun understand the joke, S2 did not do the flow chart for HK......

WRX

the saga continues......

Just a while back, LPK(BG) and NSLP(JFK) was travelling along Nicoll Highway with LPK in front of NSLP.

After a while, LPK switch on the hazard lights and signal to NSLP that there seems to be some problems with his car.
So after they stop the car by the side, LPK said that there was some 'bob bob bob' sound just now. So they took his car and drive one round to see where the sound came from. but there was no more sound...

[JFK]: Eh.... if i remember correctly.... there was a WRX in front of you just now leh....

Note: WRX's boxer engine and loud exhaust causes the 'bob bob bob' sound....

so the story goes di da di, di da di, di da di da di da di............

BelAir

I'm sure.. Just by reading the title of this LP Story, some of you must already be rolling on the floor laughing already.

Ok. For those who don't know.. Read the Submarine story posted earlier first. Anyway, after the Submarine story, BG's car was in the "hospital" for 1 week for the repair. Finally, it was time to be discharge. BG quickly took a cab to the workshop to fetch his Submarine. But getting the car repaired was not enough. No one would want to drive in that car. The whole of the car interior stink!!

[Act 61, Scene 1: At JFK's friend, Joseph workshop]

[BG]: "Wah... Very stinko leh..."

[Joseph]: "Ya lor... Sigh.. I've been keeping the car door open already. The smell still don't go away. I think you need to change your carpet liao lah."

[BG]: "Sigh.. Bo Bian lor..."

[Joseph]: "Anyway, use this to put inside your car. Keep it burning for 24 hours. Hopefully, this can remove the smell."

[BG]: "What's this?"

[Joseph]: "This one BelAir lah.. You never hear before meh? Very good one.. Very expensive you know?"

[BG]: "Like that ah... Okie lor.."

BG leave the the BelAir in the car and drove off... That BelAir was burning.. Giving out very strong smell.. BG choked on the smell.. Cannot take it, open up the window... BG went to pick Pinky up. She wanted to go Bugis for shopping. Anyway, its been a while since she last saw Submarine too.

[Act 61, Scene 2: At Bugis carpark]

[Pinky]: "Ooi. You want to leave that thing burning in the car while we go shopping ah?"

[BG]: "No lah.. Wait the whole car on fire.. Then this car best already... Soaked in water and burn in fire. Anyway, this thing not burning anymore liao. I think finished liao."

[Pinky]: "Then throw away lor..."

[BG]: "Ok."

BG proceed to throw the BelAir into a dustbin nearby. He somemore heard the sound of glass hitting the ground.

"Wa lau... Air freshener also use glass to package. Waste time..." BG thought to himself. He carried on and went shopping with Pinky....

[Act 61, Scene 3: Somewhere in GIT office]

*RING... RING... RING....*

[BG]: "Hello"

[Joseph]: "Hello, BG ah... Remember that time I lent you the BelAir? Can return to me?"

[BG]: "Har?!?! You lent me?! I tot you give it to me one... Anyway, finished burning already. I help you throw away already?"

[Joseph]: "Har?!?! You throw away?!?!? That one very expensive one leh!!!"

[BG]: "Sure or not? Burn finished already still keep for what?"

[Joseph]: "Wa lau!! Can refill the oil one!! I still have a few big tank of those oil in my house leh!! And that was the only burner I have!!"

[BG]: "Err.. Like that ah..."

[Joseph]: "And hor, that packaging so nice one.. One look will know that its expensive one.. You go and throw away for what?"

[BG]: "Normally, air freshener is use and throw one mah.. Sorry.. Sorry.. Where to buy? I buy one and return to you lor.."

[Joseph]: "That one cannot buy anywhere one lah... Need to join membership then can buy one..."

[BG]: "Like that ah.... Okie.. I go and find ways to buy and return to you.."

[Joseph]: "Ok.. Faster hor.."

They hang up the phone... BG looked around for the BelAir.. Its a kind of stupid Multi-Level Marketing stuff.. Must spend over $1k to buy something then can buy.. Wa lau... Sian....

SFX upon hearing BelAir... Rings a bell in his mind... The next day. He brought a BelAir burner and passed it to BG... BG was very happy.. Wah.. Finally found it... Eh.. Hang on... Hahhaah... SFX also go and join this kind of Multi-Level Marketing stuff... He quickly drove to Joseph's workshop and passed it to him... But it was a different one... So, BG returned to SFX the burner and carried on searching..

He carried on searching.. and searching... Finally, found a friend who has a friend that has a friend who knows a friend that is a member.. He finally found the same burner and drove over to Joseph to pass it to him..

How BG became LP King

Alright... This morning, I'm going to give you all a bonus... A LP Story that no one (or did I tell anyone??) has heard about it. The story of how BG became the LP King...

We all know about BG giving everyone a big surprise after he passed his driving test. He purposely don't want to consult the 车神 and anybody else before he go and buy a car. He kept it quiet until the day he was supposed to go and pick up his car. Then when they picked up his car, finally he found out that he was paying too much for that 10 year old car that he got.

[Act 61, Scene 1: At the car dealer's carpark, beside BG new car]

[JFK]: "Wa lau!! You buy such a old car ah?!"

[HK]: "Wa lau!! Hahahaha... Why you didn't ask us before you buy?!"

[BG]: "Aiya, give you all a surprise mah..."

[JFK]: "Wa lau!! But definitely not worth it lor..."

[HK]: "Ya lah... Wa lau!! Spend so much to get an old car..."

[BG]: "Never mind what.. Aiya, I like this car because the window hor, got no frame one mah.."

JFK looked at HK..... Sigh.. KNN.. No one believes that BG REALLY REALLY like that car because the window got no frame...

[BG]: "And hor... This car headlights very nice leh.. No other car has the same headlights."

BG trying to put his point across.. If anyone has watched InitialD, be it the cartoon or the movie by Jay Chou, you would have find this scene VERY VERY familiar.. Hahaha.a... You might have ask by now. Ooi.. This story everyone knows already lah... Who say never heard before one? Be patience. This is not the story that I'm going to tell...

So, JFK drove his white monster, HK drove his black car and BG in his Submarine, JFK took the lead, street racing with black car.. BG followed all the way behind with an empty tank car. They proceed to the petrol kiosk to fill up BG car first.... KNN.. Already bought that car and so much above market price already.. That stupid car dealer still didn't fill up the car..

They drove to Kallang Mac and have dinner.. A favourite hang out of JFK, HK and BG.. JFK and HK keep laughing and opening up BG's car door to look at the frameless window that attracted BG so much. Kept laughing.. BG admiring his "new" car.. He so happy.... Now got 4 wheels already. Can go and Sian Char Boh already..

They had their dinner and went back home... At BG's home carpark, BG stood in-front of his car looking at the unique headlights.. Wah.. He so happy... He took out a cloth, blew hot air on the headlight, and wipe it... Wah... So happy....

"Tomorrow bring Pinky to go Holland Village to eat... Hee... Go and pick her up from work.. Hee..." BG thought to himself. He went up to his house.. Quickly wake up his parents who were already asleep.. Asked them to come down and look at his "new" car... They bo bian.. BG insisted too much.. Gave in and come down to look at his "new" car..

[BG daddy]: "Ok. Nice. Can go back and sleep already?"

[BG]: "Not yet.. Wait har.. I show you something..."

BG open up his car's door...

[BG]: "See? No frame one leh!! Nice hor?"

[BG daddy]: "Ya.. Very nice leh... Can go back and sleep already?"

[BG]: "Ok. Ok. Lets go.. Sian.. Give me this kind of TMM look."

The next day, BG woke up early in the morning, drove to Pinky's house, picked her up to work.. Then go to office to work... He already planning already... Today, will leave at 5:30pm sharp, go pick Pinky up and then go Hollang Village for dinner...

BG worked very hard during the day. Trying to complete everything so that he can leave on time. Its finally 5:30pm....

[BG]: "Bye everyone!!!" BG bid everyone goodbye in the office and leave to the carpark to drive to Pinky's office.... BG picked Pinky up... Then drove to Hollang Village... In Holland Village carpark, it was as usual... Full... So, he drove around trying to look for a parking lot... Ah Har!! Finally one fella is driving out from his lot.. BG drove over and wait while that fella drove out... He moved his car to a parking position, put to reverse gear and.........

*choke... choke... choke....* The car's engine went flat... At this time, BG's car was in a funny position.. 45 degrees diagonal to the parking lot... BG panicked... Pinky scared..... Everyone else in the carpark looking..... BG turned his key again... No reaction from the car. He turned again.... No reaction... Pinky worried....

[Pinky]: "What's wrong.."

[BG]: "Never mind.. Never mind.. Don't know why.. The engine don't start. Worst.. Got no sound after I turn the key..."

BG started to call his brother (real brother hor)... Pinky started to call her brother-in-law who is also a driver.

[Pinky]: "No leh.. No lights from the headlights also.. No leh.. Turn key no sound..." Pinky "debugging" the situation with her brother-in-law..

[BG]: "Ya.. No lights from the headlights.. No aircon.. Ya ya.... No reaction when turn the key.." BG "debugging" with his brother.

All the debugger came to the same conclusion... Battery flat... KNN.. BG was very angry... First, there was no petrol in the car when BG got it. Now, there is no battery... He called up JFK...

[BG]: "Ooi... You got jump start cable in your car or not har?"

[JFK]: "Got ah.. Why? Car no battery ah? Hahahhaaaa"

[BG]: "GY!! Still can laugh.. Ya lah.. Where are you?"

[JFK]: "In Bedok wor.. Garfield house... In the middle of something leh.. Where are you?"

[BG]: "Holland Village."

[JFK]: "Wa lau.. Too far lah... KNN. By the time I reach there, what time already?"

[BG]: "Wa lau.. But my car now blocking the way of everybody leh.. KNN... Damn Pai Seh..."

[JFK]: "Wahhahahaha.a..... Ok. Ok lah.. When I ready to go out, I call you..."

[BG]: "Ok. Ok.. Bye bye.."

BG hang up the call.. Sit in his car with Pinky to wait... Everyone else in the carpark still looking at why this idiot park his car this way.... BG think and think.. The more he think, the more angry he got.. He called up the car dealer...

[BG]: "Ooi!! You pass me the car with flat battery ah?!?"

[Car dealer]: "Cannot be leh.... I checked everything liao.. Cannot be lah.."

[BG]: "What cannot be?! KNN... You come and see yourself... I'm in Holland Village"

[Car dealer]: "Ok. Ok. I come down now..."

[BG]: "You better be FAST!!! And bring a spare battery with you."

[Car dealer]: "Ok. Ok.. Bye bye..."

After 30mins, car dealer arrived.....

[BG]: "You come and see!! Cannot start!!!"

[Car dealer]: "wait.. wait.. I check.. But hor, you think we should push the car aside first then check?"

[BG]: "How to push? No battery how to release handbrake?!?! Stupid or what?"

[Car dealer]: "Errr... Handbrake don't need battery one...."

[BG]: "Is it?! Say so earlier mah.."

They pushed the car aside... Car dealer opened up the bonnet. Touch the battery connector... BG's car headlights went on... Car dealer turned the key... Engine started....... BG looked at Pinky... Pinky shake her head.....

[Car dealer]: "Oh... The connector loose lar.... Ok now liao... Not battery flat.."

[BG]: "KNN.. Then why you didn't tighten it when you passed it to me?!?!"

[Car dealer]: "Err.... Sorry.. Sorry.... Ok lah. I make a move first hor."

[BG]: "Ok. Go...."

Car dealer left..... BG call JFK........

[BG]: "Eh. Don't need to come down liao... Ok liao.. Car dealer come and fixed the problem liao."

[JFK]: "Huh? He came down to jump start or change the battery?"

[BG]: "Err... No.. He touched the battery connector and ok liao.. Connector loose..."

Good for you

Dear whoever is reading this. Good for you. Come and sharpen your knife more often..

If anyone could still remember the infamous "Sharpening Axe" story told by MGC in the Gas Chamber, our SFX has pen it down for us to remember...

http://seeattached.blogspot.com/2005/07/lesson-to-remember.html

Luggage

Since we're at Sotong now, I shall tell you all a long story... And this story should teach you how you should behave when you're overseas....

Sotong being one of the most capable Engineer we have, was sent to Phillipines together with JFK and Edm to work on a very big project, Project E. She was all excited... At least, its a chance for her to sleep early without entertaining request like "Eh, free or not?" from her husband.

JFK on the other hand, was quite sad... He has to leave his lovely wife in Singapore and start to live the life of PCC (Pak Chiu Cheng, Beat Hand Gun in English) again. Sigh... He really would like to stay in Singapore mainly also because of BG. He really like BG so much that he sometime, regretted marrying his wife.

Edm? Well as usual, he has no emotion. "Go lor." was his usual response. And you know, its always difficult to write a LP Stories when Edm is involved.

Everything set. Logistics resolved. The 3 are on their way to Phillipines... Sotong has been to Phillipines before with BG for another project. And thus, the other 2, looked to her for how to survive in Phillipines....

[Act 60, Scene 1: At GIT office 8th floor]

[Sotong]: "Tell you all har... Go there, must be aggressive.. Otherwise, get bullied one. Because hor, the other time when I was there, I never be aggressive, they searched my breast in the custom leh..."

[JFK]: "Har?! Search your breast? You got meh?"

[Edm]: ......... *Looking blank and looking at Sotong's chest direction*

[Sotong]: "Got lah!! Idiot!! They put their hands into my cup lah!!"

(Note: Please read the above conversation again and try to imagine Sotong's face when she says this.)

JFK and Edm was warned.. They are very strict with checking in the Airport in Phillipines. So, they started to get their minset correct before setting off..

[Act 60 Scene 2: Singapore Changi Airport]

The 3 of them met at Changi Airport 2hrs before boarding time... They got their paper work done and 3 of them were sitting at Macdonalds eating some food before boarding.. Edm leaned over to JFK...

[Edm]: *softly* "I wear 2 pieces of underwear leh.."

JFK was shocked to hear that... Firstly, Edm is not someone who react to rumours easily... Secondly, Edm wanted a child badly... He wouldn't risk any chance of "Microwaving" his bullets... Lastly, if Edm is wearing 2 underwears, he won't just tell anyone. From this, JFK realised how much Edm trust him. He knew immediately that the project is going to be a success. Because, for any project, trust between Engineers is very important!!

JFK pad Edm's shoulder.. He looked at him with the SW assuring look... Something like giving him the "Don't worry, I won't tell anyone." look... Immediately, Edm regretted telling JFK..

The 3 of them finished their food and proceed to check in and board the plane.. In the plane, JFK as usual, was trying to peep through the split of the SIA stewardess uniform of the stewardess on board.

[JFK]: "Aiya... Almost...". JFK turned to Edm and jio him to "bio" also.. Edm returned him a blank + a bit of angry look.. He is trying to tell JFK that it is very painful to steam with the "mic" covered by 2 pieces of cotton.. But JFK didn't get it.. Continued his peeping...

[Act 60, Scene 3: At Phillipines International Airport]

3 of them finished the paper work at the customer counter. Walked towards the final check point that leads to the exit of the Airport...

[Airport staff]: *Pointing at Sotong's luggage* "What's inside?"

[Sotong]: "Luggague lah.." Sotong gave him the Bo Liao look..

[Airport staff]: "Open up please..."

The airport staff let everyone pass through except Sotong. They only allowed her to pass through after they've made her take out everything from her luggague and laying her items on the floor..

So much for being Kuai Lan (Crooked Cock in English).

Dial 9..

Long time since I last wrote LP Stories liao..... Too busy last few days... Put up a short one first...

[Act 59, scene 1: At GIT office 8th floor...]

[Sotong]: "Hello...."

[MGC]: "Yes?"

[Sotong]: "Eh?!? How come you pick up the phone?"

[MGC]: "You're the one who called me what."

[Sotong]: "Sorry.. Sorry.. Wrong number."

They hang up the phone...

Sotong was trying to call her husband... His number started with 688.. And she is using GIT's office phone...

Sotong picked up the phone again....

[Sotong]: "Hello.."

[MGC]: "You forgot the 9 again..."

[Sotong]: "Sorry.. Sorry.. Sorry..."

They hang up the phone again....

Sotong took out a piece of paper... Wrote on it.... "Dial 9 first!!!" and paste it on her phone....