Hotel Keys

Most of these stories would have gone down the drain if not for our Abyss of Irrelevant Email Storage (AoIES). Thanks to him, all our LP Stories are still able to make it up here.... Let's give him a round of applause for appreciation please.....

So the next story here, we were at KL working.... Me (Jfk), GN (Guniang), EK (Eh Kia) & Drunken Master (Pierre from HK). We shared a service apartment where we can bring back gals everynite to party.... just kidding... anyway, one fine day....

[Act XX SceneYY]

After a long day's work, we came back to the hotel room....

GN unlocked the door and we entered....

After an hour,

"knock knock"

who's there.

"IC"

IC who?

"I see your keys hanging outside your door"


After this, GN aint carrying the key anymore.....

Cannot find pager

Scene: Some fine day long ago in GIT office...

EK: Eh, SHK
BG: Lec go lec go
(both downstairs..shk-ing...)
EK: Cham lah, i cannot find the standby pager leh..
BG: Issit in ur car
EK: No, I check oredi, dun haf
BG: Zun boh
EK: Zun..i think i better call home and get my mama to check..
(EK make call...)
EK: Harlow, ma, help me check my room, if my pager is there...
EK's Ma: orrr
(few minutes later)
EK's Ma: boy ar, boh leh
EK: HAR!? BOH KO LENG, u got check properly or not?! It's black color wan, then got a gold dangling thing wan..u go and check again!
EK's Ma: orrr
(EK's ma went back to room and double, triple check...few minutes later)
EK's Ma: Harlow, boy ar..jin eh si boh leh..
EK: Arrrgghhh..ok lah ok lah..bye bye bye bye..
BG: Wei, how can u talk to ur mama like tat..
EK: she's very blur wan lah
BG: aiyah, better go car check again
(both of them went back to check...after a while..)
BG: eh, izzit this gold dangling thing har ...

EK Tyre

JFK, SEE properly. Your blog link is there... Ok. After everyone enjoyed the Papaya story which no one should actually know about this, time for another LP story......

Act 5, Scene 1:

EK (Duncan) was walking to the carpark with his car keys in his hands.. He swinged the keys with his index finger hoping that every neighbour see that he is driving a car. So that they know that he is no longer a little boy although his height is of a little boy's height. He purposely choose a manual car to show off that he can step on both the clutch and brake at the same time and also look out the windscreen. But there is something no one knows till now..... The car seat is forwarded to the most forward position and he tip toe.

EK: Wa lan!!! WTF?! Sway men!!!

The car's front tyre was punctured..... He couldn't believe his luck. He can still drive a car after trying very hard. But he CAN'T change a tyre.. Firstly, because he don't know how to... Secondly, because...... his weight is not enough to step on the wench to turn the knob. Someone came to his mind.... JFK stays in Yishun also... But it was 7:30am in the morning.. Sure ganna screw upside down by JFK if call him at this time one. So.......

[Ring, Ring..... Ring, Ring....]

EK's dad: Hello...

EK: Pa, can come down and change tyre for me?

EK's dad: Err... Ok.

He walked to the washroom to wash up shaking his head while he was walking.... Which daddy's son will wake his father up 7:30am in the morning to change tyre?

Btw, there is also 5 tyre changing stories... All lead acting by JFK.. Another time will tell you all..

Papaya... yum yum

Scene 1: Free dinner at Sakura Buffet in Tampines Safra

s2: wah..so full liao, i go take fruits.
EK: Ok ok, take more har!
s2: orrrr...
(s2 came back wif a plate full of papayas and pineapples)
s2: eh eat leh eat leh..i took a lot
EK: ee..i dun take papayas n pineapples..
BG, SFX: ya we all oso...
s2: knn, ask me take more now dun eat, eat leh, eat leh...
BG: ok lah help u eat 1
(BG took a BIG piece of papaya)
s2: haiz, beh steady...
(SFX started to help himself with the fruits...about 5 minutes later...)
SFX: eh s2, see har..got proof..i help u eat alr
s2: gd gd
(at this same instance, BG SHOUTED in ASTONISHMENT)
BG: HAR!!!???? THE PAYAYA got SKIN wan ar?!!

the rest of us burst out in laughter....think i dun haf to continue the rest...

Young and inexperienced men in GIT (or Ex-GIT)

The description of this blog has fully reflected the inexperience of the 2 creators of this blog. Men DO NOT get frustrated with those 4 letters words. I know this has nothing to do with your experience in GIT; but then we always encourage learning at GIT. Therefore, here it goes.

Scene 1: A man is trying to force his way on to a girl. And the girl is shouting "No! Don't! Stop!" "No!, Don't! Stop!"

Scene 1.99: (No graphic, No image) Audio...........Shouting turns moaning

Final Scene : The man and the woman sharing a cigarette!

Don't = Yes and Stop = Come and when they are used together; it will be "Yes...Come!"

When would these young men learn? They should have spent more time in the GAS CHAMBER when they had the chance.

Shawn can't walk

LP story no. 73----------------------------------

It was a beautiful Monday morning. Although it was back to work again, the Monday is still beautiful. I've just have sex on Sunday night and it was fantastic.

I reached my office with a sextified smile. Chatted with my colleagues and we laughed loudly. I logged on to Yahoo Messager, saw my old friend Duncan. I still can't believe why people call him LP2 (Lame Person no. 2). Duncan checked with me if I want to go Tampines Mall and "walk walk" with him as he was quite boring. He was quite affected by the Monday Blues illness. So, out of sympathy, I agreed.

I went on to do my work and I worked very hard throughout the morning. After lunch, I went for a meeting at my customer's office and saw this cute girl driving a Mini. I starred at her for a while. I went up to my customer's office and we started the meeting. A lot had been said. Basically, it was a fruitful meeting. The meeting finished at around 6pm and I immediately drive towards Tampines Mall to meet my old friend, Duncan. I was so happy and excited to see him. I put on additional perfume around my armpit so that he won't smell funny things when he was standing beside me (You know lah.. His height).

Half-way through my drive in ECP, a voice behind my head was reminding me that I was meeting LP2. Not any normal person. So, I picked up my mobile phone and call Duncan.

"Hello, what time we meeting and where?" I said.

"Shaw Towers lor. 7pm." Replied Duncan.

"Huh? Shaw Towers? What to eat there? Where got things to walk?" I asked.

"No lah. Mazli wants to buy some bags." Replied Duncan.

"Okie lor... Meet there at 7pm." I relented.

So I exited ECP and drove towards Shaw Towers. ERP was still in operation. I thought to myself.

"Aiya, friends are more important. I can't be late."

So I drove towards the gantry and paid $1 to enter the restricted zone. I turned into Shaw Towers car park, paid $1 for the entry and found a parking lot to park my car. I took the lift to first floor after parking my car and called my dear Duncan. I called several times and couldn't get through. So, I just walked around Shaw Towers to see if I'm in any luck to see any G-String girls walking around. After 15 mins of walk, my phone rang.

"Hello, buddy. Where are you?" It was my buddy, Peter.

"I'm at Shaw Towers already lor. Everybody is late." I said. This time, with a more angry voice.

"Huh? I'm at Bugis leh.. How come you go to Shaw Towers?" Peter was puzzled.

"No lah!! Meet at Shaw Towers!! Duncan said one!!" I restorted.

"No leh... Mazli told me meet at Bugis. Never mind. Never mind. I walk over to Shaw Towers to meet you now." Peter replied.

After hanging up the phone, I carried on walking around Shaw Towers as I had not seen any G-String girls yet. Peter arrived in 10 minutes. Sweat was hanging on to his head of 3cm hair. He smiled at me. I was already fuming mad at this point of time. My heart sunk when I saw him. He was at least 10kg heavier since the last time I saw him. Wiping away his sweat, we walked around in Shaw Towers. In about 5 minutes, Boon Chin called Peter's mobile phone.

"Hello... Where are you all??" Boon Chin shouted with his usual uncontrolled voice. I really admired him for being able to act angry even though he was late.

"We're at Shaw Towers lor." Replied Peter with his usual emotionless voice.

"Huh? Mazli told me meet at bugis leh.. And I'm already at bugis already." Boon Chin shouted again.

"No lah. Duncan said it is Shaw Towers. And we're already here. Shawn has parked his car already and is fuming mad now." Peter said with a complaining tone. He was scolded and nagged non-stop by me while he was with me.

"Come over to Bugis lah.. Mazli said it is Bugis." Boon Chin shouted again. I could hear his talking even though Peter's phone was sticking to his ear. I called Duncan to confirm the meeting place again.

"Duncan!!!!!!!!!!!!! Where are we meeting and what time!?!?!?!" I shouted. I tried to use the same tone as Boon Chin to achieve the scaring effects.

"Sorry.. Sorry... Go Bugis. Go bugis. This stupid Mazli told me he wants to go Shaw Towers to buy things. So that's why I told you meet at Shaw Towers. But he go and tell the others to meet at Bugis." Duncan replied with a breaking voice.

"Okie. We go over to Bugis now. Bloody hell. You're paying for my $2 ERP charges, $10 parking charges at Shaw Towers and $15 parking charges at Bugis." I spoke with Boon Chin's tone again. Peter and me went to pick up my car and we drove over to Bugis. We parked the car, called Mazli.

"Where?! Meet Where?!" Peter said with his unusual broken English.

"Meet at the Banquet at Raffles Hospital." Replied Mazli.

"Raffles Hospital!!!!! Then why say BUGIS!!!!!" I shouted. Peter was already holding the phone to his right ear and covering his left ear with his left hand. You could see that his head of 3cm hair sway a bit when I shouted. Mazli noticed the problem. He quickly hanged up the phone. I called Mazli.

"Meet at Raffles Hospital then why SAY BUGIS!?!?!" I shouted with Boon Chin's tone and JFK's accusing tone.

"Sorry... Sorry.. Sorry... I didn't know you cannot walk." Replied Mazli. I was really amazed at the fact that Mazli still dare to "Suan" me.

"Okie.. Okie.. I'm coming.. Keep all the knife and forks away." I threaten. Thus, Peter and me walked towards Raffles Hospital. Upon arrival, we saw Boon Chin. He smiled. Then we saw Mazli. Then we saw Duncan. We bought our own food and sat down to eat. I still could not believe myself that I went to so many carparks to end up in Banquet eating some lousy Fish & Chip which cost $4.80.

"Okie lah... Purpose is to meet friends. Any food is okie lah." I thought to myself. So we carried on the dinner with happy chit chatting. After we finished our dinner, a guilt ridden Mazli went to buy a plate of fruits for everybody for the confusion he had caused. With the fruits in our stomach, we've somewhat forgiven him.

"So now how? Go drink coffee?" Asked Mazli.

"Okie lor.. Where?" Replied Peter.

"Shaw Towers." Replied Mazli. You should have seen my face when Mazli said this.

Eh Kia (EK) aka Duncan

Instead of always making you guys read, I've decided to paste a graphic here....

Ok. Ok. I forgot to tell the story first.. The story before this conversation I had with EK was..

There was this big outage in one of our customers' system. The system went down... CKS (EK's boss) was there with another of our support guys... Then later on, when investigation was being done, the support staff was made to take the blame.. I was talking with EK about this incident on Yahoo and guess what? The lamest thing happened.... (As per conversation in Yahoo captured above)

NKF

Hhahahaa... This is so funny
http://rockson.blogspot.com/2005/07/nkf-boss-got-cheebye-12-months-bonus.html

Hi all, we're always most up to date with the happenings in Singapore. Has anyone got through the lines to NKF yet? I've been trying for 2 days to no avail. I left a message. But they didn't call me back. What I'm trying to do? I'm gonna stop my monthly contribution to them through GIRO.

Actually, I knew about the misuse of public funds (through rumours) all along. But choose to ignore it because I knew that the NKF patients need the money for treatment. And so, I continued my monthly contribution.

But, this person has to bring the case to court and VERIFY all the rumours and revealed a lot more than the rumours. Not that its verified, I have to choice but to stop contribution to stop the misuse of public funds.

What I am so angry about:
1. The CEO gave himself $1.8m salary within 3 years. (And I'm sure, this is less than what he is actually getting)
2. He even made NKF pays for the road tax and everything of his car despite the high salary he is drawing.
3. He wants to use golden tap when I choose the cheapest tap that serves its purpose when I'm renovating my house.
4. He made no efforts to correct the wrong figures of reserves that they have despite the foundation paying him such high salary. This is lying to the public.
5. He made no efforts to correct the wrong figure of paitents under them despite the foundation paying him such high salary. This is lying to the public.
6. Pay me $0.9m for 3 years and I'm prepared to work double harder than him doing what he is doing now.
7. Actually, all these would be fine if they have followed the national bonus level. Eg, give out 3 months bonus when the Civil Servants are getting 3 months. But they are paying triple the national standard. Why? Because they worked so hard to create 4 charities show a year?
8. The most angry part is when I heard that $25,000 salary and 12 months bonus pay package is peanuts. Imagine, the first 1 hour of the charity show is to buy a peanuts. Then, the rest used to .......

Enough said. I pity those who really need the money for treatment. I'll contribute again once this CEO is removed from his position and punished (for all the misuse of public funds and lie he has told) and NKF release yearly 3rd party audited statements of accounts. In the meantime, if the patients really need public contribution, get united and get this CEO punished.

PS: The fact that he made no apologies for those lies he told really pissed me off. He don't think what he is doing is wrong. If its correct, to date, there won't be more than 3000 Singaporeans stopping their monthly contribution to NFK. I just hope that the monthly contribution will continue after we get this fella punished.

Hot water

Author: JFK

Act 4 Scene 1
LP2: "wah lau eh... the shower here very cold leh... brrrrrhh... no hot water wan...."

NSLP: "aiyah... have to wait a while after turning on the heater wan mah..."

LP2, obviously didnt hear the word 'heater', argued, "I wait very long liaoz lah!!!! but still cold..."

NSLP: "then dun on the cold water tap lah, just on the hot water tap can liaoz"

LP2: "i did, but the water still cold... dun understand wat kind of hotel is this... if there is no hot water, why is there 2 taps to differentiate??? so stoopid..."

NSLP: "cannot be wan wat.... wait let me check.... eh, how come the heater switch outside the bathroom is not ON ah?"

[Who let the dogs out?! WHOO WHOO WHOO!!!.....] x 2

p.s. NSLP stands for Not So Lame Person.....

JC Graduates

Hello everybirdie.... Time for LP stories again.... Today, I'm going to tell a story about a wedding dinner. But what has a wedding dinner gotta do with JC Graduates? You might ask. Read on to find out what happens.......

Long long time ago... In GIT, we started to have a lot of colleagues' wedding dinner to attend. We were about the same age and everyone started to get married and make that decision that they will regret for the rest of their life. Its KBC's turn. He is smiling from ear to ear while giving out the invitation cards...

"Must come hor.. Must come hor.." KBC talking through his smiles while handing out the invitation card to JFK and HK.. Deep inside him, he knew that there are going to be some kind of problems when these 2 idiots really come. But he has no choice. If he leaves them out, its too obvious that the whole company don't like these 2 idiots. He handed the invitation cards to them and continues to the rest... He went over to Sotong Queen (SQ), Guniang (GN) Siew Siew (S2) and handed them their summons...

The big day is here.. Its the day for KBC's wedding dinner...

"Hello... Err.... How to get there har?" Bah Geh (BG) called JFK over his mobile and asked for directions.. Its already 7pm and BG is still at Changi Airport looking for a road sign that says "KBC Wedding Dinner". But he can't find it... He has no choice but to call his Mobile Street Directory (JFK).

"Go PIE.. Exit at exit 8a, turn right at the first left turn junction. Then turn left and the next right turn junction............" JFK gave BG his directions.. As usual.. He confused BG more. But the funny thing is that after the confusion, BG normally will find his way. As long as he reach Changi Airport, he can go anywhere in Singapore.

BG reached his destination... JFK, HK, SFX, SQ, S2, Delle and everybody are already there waiting.. They discussed the Ang Pow money and took the lift up to the ballroom. KBC was there greeting everybody with the same smile again. Wonder if his ear hurts from all that ear to ear smiling. Until this point of time, you might ask again... WHAT HAS THIS GOT TO DO WITH JC GRADUATES?!?!?! Read on... You'll find out.

Everyone got seated... JFK with his wife (Garfield) was seating with HK with KBC's friends.. While BG, SFX and CKS and etc sat with some very old GITians... KBC seems to seat his guests according to their age. But you know what? Until today, I still wondering why I'm seated together with SFX, CKS, Siong Keat, Nicholas and etc. I'm younger than JFK and HK... Never know the answer. Because I don't dare to ask KBC.

The dinner started.. Everyone chatted happily... HK drank a couple of hard liquor... As usual, he will not let go of the chance to drink when its free... Suddenly, HK brought out the topic of being streetwise..

"You know hor... Poly graduates hor, they been through a lot and are normally more street wise you know?" HK asked JFK... And as usual, HK cannot control his voice volume when he speaks.. It got worst when he is drunk... His voice is louder than the soft music being played. Everyone at the same table, beside his table, infront of his table and outside the ballroom all heard him.. So, everyone on the same table looked at him.

"Unlike JC graduates.. I tell you.. They cannot make it one.. A little bit a little bit don't know what to do already...." HK continued... Everyone was quiet listening to him... JFK felt that the topic was not right and thus, did not response. He just say "ya ya ya....." Then, Garfield leaned over to JFK and told him that KBC is from JC before he went to Uni.. She felt that those sitting at the same table who are all KBC's friends are very likely from JC as well.. JFK felt embarrassed but can only keep quiet...

"PJ, PJ, PJ (hokkien for taking a leak)" JFK jioed HK.. And so, they went ahead to the toilet to take a leak... JFK wanted to tell HK about that the people sitting at the same table might be from JC..

"Eh, you KNN... Stop it lah. Those people sitting at the same table might be from JC leh.." JFK warned HK with his usual "I am so great" tone.. "Is it?" HK asked... "Ok. Ok. Ok...." They went back to the wedding dinner.... Continue the dinner... HK drank another few glasses of hard liquor. JFK smile smile at KBC's friends...

"Eh.. You know hor, JC graduates really don't know anything about hands-on one...." HK suddenly shouted (don't know if he meant to just say it or shout it, but it sure sounds like shouting). JFK looked at HK.. Don't know to be angry or ........... He just prayed that no one will turn the table and that the dinner end ASAP..... Garfield, on the other hand, gave up and as usual, wished that she could go home ASAP to munch on her potatoe chips and watch TV sitting on the crotch........

Wah SFX

Wah!! SFX actually knows how to use Blog.. He actually left a comments here. I get so happy that at least, all these time spent writing stories for good memories have reached out to so far... Okie... Its late now.. Me just finished debugging some program. So, now better go and ML to my wife and sleep.. Its that week of the month... And hee hee.... You know what? Can save money on the condoms..... Wah... Thinking about it makes me steam already men... Okie... Okie.. Tomorrow reached office then write stories for you all... F and Sleep liao....

G-String

Talking about HK, brings back some LP incidents.. What I'm going to tell is a G-String story. This is one of the bloody incidents that we're at the mercy of HK again......

HK, JFK and me were walking around Suntec City looking at girls... We did this very frequently while we were working in GIT.. After working very hard and always don't get to see any chio bu, we always go to a place with a lot of chio bu to make ourselves man again... Cos' we always like the feeling of our underwear being too small... You know... That feeling of the "tortoise head" trying to come out from the top of the underwear is very exciting. It is painful.. But it's very shoik....

So we walked and walked and looked and looked... Our tortoise head tweaked many many times and we experienced that painful feeling a lot of times while we walked along Suntec. Wa... Very very shoik.... Then suddenly.. our focus laid on the bum of a ger.. Wa!! She is wearing very low cut jeans and her bum is one of those that you would like to do doggie with. Edm comes to my mind... But.. Shit. Don't waste time....

"Follow her.. Follow her..." HK said excitingly.... Without 2nd thought, me and JFK also following HK to follow her... Wa... Our tortoise head tweaked at least 10 times while we were walking behind her. HK's tortoise head is already outside his underwear.... The rubber of his underwear rubbing his "rim" while he was walking... He must be feeling very shiok.. You could see it from the way he walked... He shivers a few times while we were walking.. I was waiting to see that wet spot on his jeans..

Then that ger reached the escalator... She is going down the escalator... We followed.... Very very closely behind her....

"G-String!! G-String!!" shouted HK.... Wa bian!! That ger's red G-String came out of her low cut jeans when she walked down that escalator!! Shit!! That ger heard him... She turned her head a bit to see who is behind.... JFK and my tortoise head are also outside the underwear by now.. But we saw that the ger heard HK, we quickly "Siam"..... KNN... So damn embarrassing...

That ger uses her right hand to go behind and push down her G-String to hide it back to the jeans... Shit.. Bloody embarrassing...

"Alamark... 被发现了 (being found out already in chinese)!!" HK says loudly.......

What can we say? JFK and me were already trying to find a hole to dive in already... He has to do it again... He don't know what is say softly... HK has no control over his voice volume.... Give up!!!! That ger didn't turn back. But the Suntec CCTV camera must have caught 2 idiots trying to hide their face into the escalator while another idiot just kept laughing beside them......

Bali Bombing

Hi all, time for LP Stories again. Today our friend JFK just remembered about a very classic LP story. The "Bali Bombing" story. I'm sure everyone remember about the fatal bombing that happened to Bali sometime back. While it was a sad incident, someone actually tried to use this incident to teach........ The story goes........

JFK, HK, Edm and CKS was in the meeting room having their first team meeting after the team is formed up. CKS was the team leader of the team. He started "I very open one. Talk to me anything. My door is always open...."

JFK, HK and Edm was so very happy. They were thinking about how fortunate they were in getting such an open team leader. JFK and HK looked at each other cannot believe of what they are getting here. They so happy and excited that they almost PCC on the spot. Edm was his usual self unaffected of what is happening. Edm was miles away thinking about what new sex style he is going to try out with his wife when he gets home. He was planning for a baby... Missonary and Standing did not work. He thinking of trying doggie tonite.

"You know. Its very unfair that the engineer has to do everything." HK broke the silence. Edm was suddenly brought back to the room again. JFK took his hand out of his pocket.

"We always have to do everything and then the salary stays the same." HK continued.. CKS face turned color. He did not welcome this sudden and direct confrontation. HK just continued to blast.... without noticing that color on CKS face has changed. The air of the room is not that fresh anymore..... Well, but that is HK's nature you know? He can talked about JC students not being street wise in front of a bunch of JC grad you know? And if you know him, if you looked at his face while he was saying this and the tone of his voice when he said this, you would have give him 2 big punches on his nose.

HK continued for about 15mins before JFK kicked his leg... JFK sensed that atmosphere is not rite and decided to stop HK.... As usual, Edm still thinking about how he can ask his doggie to show him how to do doggie style.

HK looked at JFK angryly.... With that "Why you kick me?!??!?!" look. He didn't get it. He didn't know that the air is wrong... So, he continues.....

"If life is fair, then why Bali gets bomb?!!!" CKS suddenly shouted... Breaking the momentum of HK's speech.

HK is stunted... Not because CKS shouted. But because he don't know how to continue from here.

JFK was slience... He was thinking to himself... What has Bali's bombing got to do with this? That was a sad story and here they are talking about unfair.....

Edm....... He looked and JFK, looked at HK, looked and CKS...... He wondered.... If Bali bombing can be related to what they are discussing here.... Could it relate to his doggie style that he is going to try out tonite?

"Err... Lets discuss another day okie?" HK suggested... He looked at JFK again.... He was defeated!! He was totally defeated!! He needs some time to think about what to say next. Bali bombing... Bali bombing... Wa lau... Why did CKS suddenly says Bali bombing?!?! He is a deep one...... JFK sitting beside HK nodded his head vigourously wanting to end this embarrassing moment.... He don't know to help. "Hmmm... CKS is a deep one...." JFK thought to himself...... Edm quickly walked out of the room to his desk urgently wanting to go to search the web about doggie style...